


Integrity

by muserdex



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Episode AU: s12e10 The Timeless Children, Episode: s12e10 The Timeless Children, F/M, Gallifrey, Gunshot Wounds, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, M/M, Suicide Attempt, Thoschei, Thoschei get there i promise, Timeless Child, Yearning, graham deserves more, who doesnt fight with the doctor nowadays
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:28:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22300342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muserdex/pseuds/muserdex
Summary: Will the Doctor ditch everything when the Master arrives at her doorstep?
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor & Graham O'Brien, Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan & Graham O'Brien & Ryan Sinclair, Thirteenth Doctor/The Master (Dhawan)
Comments: 52
Kudos: 257





	1. Keep Running

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor is pretty angsty, huh? Graham takes notice.

The Doctor had been taking Yas, Graham, and Ryan on quite the adventures after her fleeting encounter with the Master. Truthfully, she didn't quite know if she was trying to distract herself or stop the others asking questions. She had given them quite a vague description of who she was and that was simply going to have to do.

At one point, she took them to Midnight, to see the beautiful Sapphire Waterfall.

“Sometimes I wonder why you keep travelling, Doc.” Graham chuckled and gave the doctor a light pat on the shoulder.

“What do you mean?” The Doctor looked puzzled, as usual.

“Well, you know, stuff like this. It's beautiful. I mean, why don't you just stick around for a bit sometimes, have a few cocktails, sit around – it'd suit you.”

The Doctor offered a fake chuckle. Sitting around was her worst enemy – much different to her best enemy – and honestly, it terrified her. After all, the Doctor had conjured up so many different ways of saying “keep running” over her regenerations – Allons-y! Geronimo! Come along, my dear! It was all the same – a built-in way to make sure time never had to catch up with her; a false sense of control.

“Nahhhh, prefer to be on my feet. Keeps me going. Keeps you lot out of trouble. Well, sort of. I try. Sometimes. Wouldn't be much of a Doctor lounging around like the rest of ya anyway.” Fake smile.

Of course, the Doctor did love the sights, smells, and feelings the beautiful parts of the universe had to offer, but they seemed less inviting and more invasive as time went on. Gallifrey was beautiful, once. The Master – Koschei - was beautiful, once. But now both of them lay in ruin, encapsulated in their own horror and corruption. The Timeless Child was ingrained into the Doctor's mind, no matter what she tried to do or say or think, always, always there. Maybe now, she thought, she could understand what The Drumming felt like for the other Timelord.

“Well, I, uh, don't mean to be rude, Doc, but we are getting a bit bored of this same view thing now, and I think Ryan's goin' to sleep.” There was only a few minutes left, anyway.

“You're right. Next stop it is. Come on fam! Times ticking and if we stay too long something will probably try to kill us. Bit inconvenient, really.”

Next stop: Barcelona. The planet, obviously. After a bit of a tour, the Doctor showed them the main attraction. The Doctor often took companions to Barcelona, and themself, and so the natives decided to create a lovely, metaphorical welcome mat in the form of a dog café.

“Why is there a planet with dogs with no noses?” Ryan rightfully asked.

“Why not?” The Doctor rightfully responded. Yas offered a “fair point” expression and went to make friends with the noseless dogs, and the Doctor crouched down to play with some herself. Graham leant on the wall opposite her.

You see, to the others, the Doctor was just a bit moody and they were sure she'd cheer up soon. They knew the encounter with the Master was somewhat personal and thought she probably just needed time. But Graham saw something else. Flicker of pain behind the eyes, hesitation in her step, slight shake in the hands. The Doctor was grieving, in her own way, he was sure of it. It was all too familiar, but there was second-to-no chance of confirming it. The last time they asked her what was wrong, she lashed out and took them somewhere else, where danger was a lot more pressing than the Doctor's personal life. We're here Doc, Graham thought in her direction, we've got your back. He would silently plead with her quite a lot like this, knowing she couldn't hear, but hoping their presence would one day be enough. He sighed.

“Noseless dogs not good enough for you, Graham?” The Doctor looked up inquisitively.

“Oh, nah its nothing Doc, just a bit overwhelmed that's all. Feel a bit boring being from Earth, I guess.”

“I think Earth's great. Human's are great. Magnificent you lot. Achieve so much in such a short life. I'm almost envious.”

“How old are you, Doc? You never said.” There was a pause, and the Doctor looked down at one of the dogs to avoid eye contact.

“Older than all of you. Probably too old.” The Doctor was not ready for one of these conversations again, and hoped Graham's interest would be brief, because she really did not want to have to lash out again.

“Hm. Don't make me feel young again, might be dangerous, eh.” There was slight desperation in Graham's laugh. Please cheer up, Doctor. Please trust us.

The Doctor looked up at Graham to give a faltering smile before standing up herself.

“Well, I should probably get you all something, maybe not suspicious iced tea or possibly toxic coffee – I will get the hang of it, I promise.” The Doctor gestured before almost running to the counter, and Graham could do nothing but start a word, and then finish it at the same time. Sometimes it felt like there was just no use. But it had been the same with him, too, once. There's always something that will give – there had to be.

In a brief period of time, they all had their drinks, sat down, and waited for someone to say the first word, draw the first revolver.

“Funny how they have pet cafés in space.” Yas finally spoke. It almost looked like everyone physically relaxed.

“Yeah, but, I have to ask, Doctor. Why here?” Ryan asked, and Graham looked down. The Doctor tilted her head.

“I mean, it's great, and the dogs are cool, and being on a different planet is cool and all, but like, the other places we've been going were beautiful and crazy and really cool and, I mean, no offence, but noseless dogs don't really compare.” Yas nodded slightly. It was kinda out of place.

“There's no pleasing you people sometimes, is there?” The Doctor threw her hands in the air and looked at each of them.  
“Thought you'd all like a bit of a rest, really. I know how you humans can be like with constant travelling, just don't have the stamina.”

“Well yeah, but, we can do that in the TARDIS.” Yas chimed in.

The Doctor wanted to take Rose to Barcelona, once, a long time ago, but never got the chance. It was one of her first thoughts with her new face, at the time. A pattern had been emerging with the newer adventures; Midnight, for example, would be the place where the Doctor would learn what it felt like for people to turn on you, to not trust you, to want you dead – what the Master must have felt all these years. This face of the Doctor chose a time before that, before the settlement was infected, but still felt the horrific pain her past self was yet to face. Barcelona was one of the only sentiments carried on from her 9th regeneration, and it still stuck as a reminder of her, of what he didn't, couldn't, could have, stopped from happening. The Doctor was still running, of course, but not without reminding herself of why along the way. But did she really need to keep reminding herself anymore? The Master was back, anyway. Sure, she sent him to that horrible, lonely place, but it was the Master – of course he'd find a way out. Back to her. He was already in her head with the message of the Timeless Child and his newfound title of the Destroyer of Gallifrey – he'd taken over much of her mind, and maybe that was what she was running from. Honestly, she didn't know anymore.

“Right, well, let's go chill in the TARDIS, I guess. Any specific part of space?”

“A nice bit, preferably.”

“Thanks, Graham.”


	2. Keep Talking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Graham decides to intervene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *rings bells* ANGST ANGST ANGST

And there they were, parked, floating in space, lounging around the TARDIS. That little dimension had a good way of taking everyone's mind off things, and the Doctor would occasionally caress her – much to the others' confusion. They even managed to make the Doctor laugh once or twice -Ryan took the trophy of making the Doctor laugh at memes, and Yaz took the trophy by jump scaring Graham with a weird alien mask she found in one of the many random TARDIS rooms. It was domestic, and it was nice – however shortlived it might have been. Graham was the first to yawn. 

“We keeping you up, Grandad?” Yas teased playfully, they were all in relatively high spirits for once, and it almost felt like a true, slightly dysfunctional family. Graham scoffed.

“Unbelievable. Can you believe that? Grandad? Id throw you out if we weren't dangling in space. If anyones a grandad here it's her.” Graham pointed to the Doctor, who smiled awkwardly.

“Yeah, how old are you, Doctor?” Ryan asked. 

“Too old.”

“Yeah, you said that to me too, Doc. But really. How old ARE you?”

“Why is it so important to you?”

“We just wanna know. Puts everything in perspective.” Yas meekly answered.

“Fine. Last time I checked, around 2,000. Something like that. To be honest, I've lost count.   
Was technically in this one place for 2.5 billion years but I don't like to think about that too much.”  
There was a very drawn-out pause, much to the increasing frustration of the Doctor.

“Wow. I really must be a strapping young lad to you, Doc.” Yas and Ryan cringed.

“Really, we must look like babies. Toddlers. How do you put up with us?” Ryan quizzed.

“Never compare yourself to a Timelord. It's in the name. You are a magnificent race. You all waddle around with one heart, 100 years max to live out your little lives on your one planet, dreaming of the stars above. You all have hope. When you've lived as long as me, hope tends to die off and things seem to matter less and less. Its people like you that keep me as I am, like the Doctor. A Timelord without a little humanity is a dangerous thing.”

“Like... Like that other Timelord? The Master? Is he what a Timelord is really like?” Yas asked, but definitely regretted it immediately afterwards. 

“Hang on, did you say one heart?” Graham butted in. It was intentional. The Doctor minutely glared at Yas, before continuing.

“Did I not mention? Two hearts. Does come in handy when people are trying to kill you as a human, does remind me how frail you all are when one stops working.”

“Yeah, look at us with our one heart, how stupid of us,” Ryan remarked, and the Doctor managed a genuine chuckle. There was a moment of silence.

“Anyone else really tired or am I just getting a bit too old now?”

“Yeah, I am kinda tired too.” Yas felt the pain in the Doctor's stare over her remark, and sort of wanted to leave the room immediately. 

“Guess I am too, then,” Ryan said – he didn't like being left alone too much with the Doctor. She was kind of intimidating.

The Doctor fiddled with her sonic screwdriver a little and didn't protest much to their exit. She liked when they all went to sleep – she needed the loneliness. Yas was the first to leave, rather quickly and Ryan was quick to follow. Graham seemed to hesitate slightly, his eyes scanning at nothing in front of him, then slowly standing up. He walked in the direction of the others, and stopped. The Doctor didn't notice the stopping. When he was walking away, the Doctor just curled up slightly in her chair, head in lap. Graham couldn't leave her like that – didn't matter if she was 2000 odd years old, didn't matter if she'd faced more loneliness, more pain, more loss than he could ever imagine – she didn't have to face it right now. He could do something.

Graham turned back on his heels, toward the doctor, who heard his footsteps on the metal grating. She shot her head up.

“Forget somethin?” She said a little too quickly.  
“Heh, yeah.” He kept walking toward her, and pulled a chair to face opposite her.  
“You, Doc.” The Doctor raised a lonely eyebrow.  
“I don't think you need me to sleep if i'm honest, I think you'll be okay.” She looked at nothing on a console panel.  
“Talk to me, Doctor. Please. Look, I know we probably don't mean much to you, but we also ain't much without you, either. I don't have to tell the other two anything. They're just confused, that's all. I am too.” The Doctor let out a long, drawn, painful sigh, and let her head drop into her lap again. Graham was patient. He leaned over on his knees.

“Look, I'm not asking for your signed autobiography, I just wanna help, if I can. I know, from my experience, talking does help.”

“And what experience is that?” Graham was taken aback by her sudden bluntness, and it did hurt. She lost her life for the Doctor. Graham stood up.

“W-what do you mean? My-”

“It's not the same, Graham. It never will be. I know you all want to understand, but you won't.”

“She lost her life for us, Doc. For you. You cant-” Graham's eyes were welling up slightly.

“I can. I've seen so many people die. So many. So, so many. So many people have died “in my name”. So many people have died at my hands, They called me the Oncoming Storm. Terrifying, evil, and merciless.” The Doctors' face was now inches away from Graham's. And it was angry. But Graham saw the exact same eyes.

“I'm not scared of you, Doc.” The Doctor laughed, and turned away.

“Maybe you should be.”

“Well, why? You say all of that stuff about yourself, but none of us have seen it. Doesn't matter what happened in the past – you've saved our lives countless times. That's the Doc we know. Everyone has a past, Doctor. You know, me and my grandson – he didn't even call me Grandad till we were travelling with you. All those years of just being there for him, even if he didn't like me all that much. Now, I don't blame him, but you see, Doc. Our lives are not on the same level as yours – I get that – but we all have our pain. I just want to help you with yours, even if it means just sitting here till I doze off.” Graham's voice had grown rather desperate over the course of his speech, and by the end, he was almost tearing up again.

“It...” The Doctor had sat down again, and was balling up in the chair. Graham sat down with her in response, and offered a reassuring hand on her thigh.

“The Master.” Graham nodded, but didn't say a word. This conversation was on her terms now.

“He used to be so... beautiful. Not physically, just, in who he was. He really was. We were best friends, as kids. Used to run around in red fields, look at all the stars and planets we were going to visit, bathe under the suns. And he was so, so clever. I looked up to him. I loved him, really. We had eachother, our two minds, our four hearts, and we didn't need anyone else. Just us and time.”   
Graham smiled. He knew vaguely where this was going, but it was nice to imagine the Doctor with someone as equally as brilliant as her. Really, its what she has always deserved.

“The Time Lords changed him. The other ones, the more... superior ones. They put this- this thing. In his head. This Drumming. The sound of a Timelord's heartbeat.”

The Doctor began to replicate the drumming. Tut tut tut tut. Tut tut tut tut. Tut tut tut tut. Tut tut tut tut. Tut tut tut tut. 

“Always, the Drumming in his head, his whole life.” Tut tut tut tut. Tut tut tut tut. Tut tut tut tut. Tut tut tut tut. Tut tut tut tut

“It drove him insane.” Tut tut tut tut. Tut tut tu- The Doctor forced herself to stop, taking in a shaky breath. 

“I can imagine.” The rhythm was beginning to agitate Graham, and he could almost feel sympathetic for the Master.

“The Master you saw, well, he's been sort of that way ever since they did that to him. He's killed so many people, innocents. The weak. The afraid. Himself, once or twice.” Graham chuckled awkwardly.

“But it's never been enough. Never, ever enough. I don't know what else he needs. But, there's always this voice in the back of my head.” The Doctor's voice cracked, which startled Graham.

“That it's my fault. I didn't stay with him, I didn't try to help him, I didn't try anything. I just ran. I just run away. That's all I do. Run away and run some more. And part of me now thinks it was me who created the Thing that is the Master.” It was the Doctor's turn to well up a bit now, and Graham leaned in closer, trying to offer any physical support in the face of words failing him.

“W-well, it's not-”  
“It is my fault, Graham. I offered help, once, and I almost saw it in his eyes. The hope. I know its there and I was always too cowardly to try to-”  
“You can't blame yourself, Doc. A madman isn't your responsibility.”

“I need him.” Graham furrowed his brows.

“I need... someone like me. We're.... the last ones, Graham. The last of the Timelords. It's just us.” Graham sat back for a second. The Doc hadn't said anything about this. The Doctor let a tear fall before quickly wiping her face and taking a deep breath. He knew it was a little too early to ask what exactly happened to her entire civilisation, so he focused on the Master.

“So.. Why do you keep trying to kill each other?” The Doctor let out a strangled laugh.

“I don't know! Well, I never try to kill him. I give him a chance, he refuses, and I send him away for a while. That's how its always been.”

“Okay. So, why does he keep trying to kill you?” 

“Honestly, he doesn't. He's playing with me. Like some weird, timelord version of cat and mouse. He just wants to mess things up and cause havoc so he can say he “got me”. It does get a bit boring.” The Doctor flashed a smile but quickly turned solemn.

“I just want my friend back. You humans. You're wonderful, but, you die. You always die. Or I mess you up and end up putting you in a different dimension, or worse. You die or I make you worse.” The Doctor pulled back. Well, she was right. Humans do die. A lot quicker than a timelord will.

“How many of us have you had? You know, like, travel partners.” Graham tried to ask this as softly and inoffensively as possible, but the nature of the question hurt the Doctor.

“Bet you'd love to know that. How many people have you seen die, Doctor? How many people have you hurt, Doctor? Plenty, Graham, thanks.” The Doctor started for a different, anywhere different, part of the TARDIS.   
“Then why do you keep travelling with us?” Graham was truly confused. If she was so hurt by travelling with humans, why not just try a different race? One with a longer life span?

“Because you make me feel... more, okay? You see this madwoman with a box come down from the sky and save your planet over and over and over and you never once question me. Well, until now.”

“Well, maybe you need questioning, Doc.”

“Maybe I do. Maybe I don't. Isn't it enough to just take you out in space and show you things you've never seen, could even dream of, without my life being under scrutiny? Can I not live my life under my own terms?”

“That's the problem, Doc. It's selfish. We don't get to live our lives under our terms with you, they're in your palm to do whatever with. We trust you, don't get me wrong. You know, travelling with you and the others has made me realise just how small we really are. But it also seems that all those things more advanced than us have a lot more problems to deal with – I'm ok with being human. Yeah, we're a bit frail, but, well, I don't mean to be rude, Doc, but doesn't that give you more of a purpose? Something to protect? All we ask of you is that you open up to us so it seems like you actually care. That we're not, oh I don't know, just... pets, to you.”

The doctor held her head in her hands for quite a while, and Graham used this time to sit down and calm down a little. Trying to reason with a timelord is no easy task.

“You're right. I don't know, Graham. You might be right. I don't know. I don't know when to stop. I don't think I ever have. I don't know how to. I don't want to. I don't-” The Doctor was speaking at ungodly speeds, and Graham just had to slow her down. 

He pulled her into a hug, gently, and just held her there for a while. He could feel the restricted sobs but didn't say anything. She deserved at least this privacy. Just for a moment. It would be her to pull back on his arms, and he let her go. He smiled at her.

“You're gonna be okay, Doc. Well, you better be, or we're all screwed.” He laughed hopefully.

“Yeah. Thank you, Graham. I'm sorry for lashing out, I just don't like being confronted with reality sometimes.”

“Yeah, well, you aren't alone there. Listen, speaking of being human, I am absolutely, positively knackered. I am going to bed. You better not get all moody on us again in the morning, i'm not doing this for nothing.” The Doctor just smiled and nodded, and Graham headed off into the TARDIS.

And there it was. The loneliness the Doctor had previously craved. It was scary, now. 

“Sorry you had to see that.” The Doctor said to the TARDIS, who vaguely whirred in response. The Doctor pulled up a chair to the main console, and rested her elbows on it, face in hands. There was a lot to think about, now. She had said a lot to Graham. Would she have to talk about Gallifrey now? The other companions? God, it was too much.

She pulled out her phone, and scrolled down to the Master's number – well, O's number. She all-too-well remembers the texts she sent in frustration after the Master revealed who he was and then remembers quickly deleting the chat after sending them; She hadn't gotten a response this entire time, so she figured the number was out of use now. She began to type something.

“Me again,

Remember how beautiful Gallifrey was, back then? The Tower of Rassilon always looming over us, the red deserts and fiery skies? Remember that one time we saw Southern Gallifrey, and totally freaked out, cuz of how green it was? 

Remember the Tochlafane? How you killed millions and millions of people, almost killed me, my friends, and how I still cried with you in my arms as you died? Maybe you should.

I remember you, Koschei. The real you. The you before those bastards hurt you. Destroyed you. Corrupted you. I miss that you. Why do we keep doing things like this? Why do you keep hunting me? You say you do it for my attention, but you always have my attention. You always will. I don't think i'd be much without you, feeling your life force, somewhere, out there. We'll always be connected. You don't need to keep killing people to see me. 

Remember what I told you, at Naismith's mansion? You could be so much more. We could. Together. I can help you. I'm probably the only person left in the universe who can. I know I was cold to you – in 1834, in 1943 – Koschei, I'm cold because there's too much to lose with you. Best to distance, because sometimes I know nothing gets through. 

Wish you could see these, if I'm honest. I liked O. He was sensitive, smart, open, excited. Everything you used to be. It hurts to know you killed Gallifrey. Nothing will ever justify that. But, with that being said, here I am still, messaging a number that isn't used as a way of talking to you. Funny, that. 

Theta.”

Send.


	3. Keep Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alone, in the TARDIS.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real Thoschei Stuff Right Here

“That's not my name, Doctor. O's dead. You should be too.”

It was a response, at-least. The Doctor jumped when her phone buzzed; She had been messaging the number every now and then for some time, why now for a response? It's like he knew when she was most vulnerable. Truthfully, this new reincarnation scared her. She had seen the unhinged Master before – a Master resurrected with the power of death, a Master so disfigured and horrific it made the Doctor shiver, a Master who killed himself to spite her – God, she had seen it all. But this reincarnation? He sent her to the Kasaavin Realm with no real idea of what it would do, and left her friends to crash and burn. It sent a tinge of fear down her spine.

She had been staring at the phone screen for some time, but now she threw it across the TARDIS. What was she supposed to do? He texted her back; he was out of the Kasaavin Realm, then. He could be anyway, doing anything, killing anything- and for what? It seemed he wouldn't even stop with her attention.

The Doctor jumped up. The rest were in bed, she could go wherever she wanted. She needed to move – never stay in one place for too long. Luckily, her mood for sentimentals hadn't quite diminished yet – There was only one place she wanted to be. The Medusa Cascade.

~

And there she was. The TARDIS stopped moving, stopped whirring. Taking a deep breath, she walked down to the TARDIS doors, and leant her head there, just for a second. There was a lot of history here, a lot of time energy, radiating everywhere. She opened the doors, sat down, and dangled her feet over the edge. And there she was.

If the Master was out there, maybe even looking for her, she imagined here would be safe from him, even just for a moment. There was nothing here for him – nothing but an empty nebula, full of the Doctor's memories. She visited here, so young, so full of hope – and it was beautiful. It always had been. She had single handedly sealed a time rift here, something she never gave herself enough credit for, even though it moulded the nebula itself. There was a lot of pain here, too. The Meta-Crisis copy of her 10th regeneration destroyed the whole Dalek fleet in this space – she wasn't sure when she would stop hating herself for that, even though it wasn't technically her. And then, she remembered Her.

“Doctor-Donna,” She said out loud, with a slight smile. So brilliant, but so wrong. Well, she wasn't the only one, that day. The Doctor sighed, and stopped thinking. There was plenty time for reminiscing, but this gang needed her. She had to, always, keep moving. And so she sat, gazing into the vastness of the nebula, absorbing the energy of space itself. Time passed around her, but she was entranced – she probably intended to sit there until the others woke up, having vaguely the same kind of routine every night, depending on her mood. Stare into space, work on the TARDIS, walk around all the rooms, talk to the TARDIS – things like that. This time however, she was rudely interrupted.

The whirring of a TARDIS. She instinctively jumped up and turned around to face her own, but there was nothing – nothing moving, no lights, nothing breaking – just terrifying dormancy. She froze in her spot. Not now. Please not now. She braced herself against the the side, but still refused to turn around. If he was here, that could only be a bad thing. Come to finish her off? Taunt her? Capture her? All of the above? She used her sonic screwdriver to close the door behind her, and only then did she turn around. Maybe it was just her imagination – it had to be. Just staring into space too long, you probably start imagining things, right? She tentatively walked toward the doors, and put her ear against them. Obviously, you can't hear anything in space, but in the radius of the TARDIS, well, you can hear everything.

“Hello, Doctor.”

She jumped back. Why would he come to the Medusa Cascade? Maybe he followed her, somehow, he was clever like that. She closed her eyed with a sigh, and debated with herself. She could ignore him, and hope he would disappear or leave her alone when the others woke up and she could just pretend nothing happened; or, she could face him now, whatever he wanted, and hope he left before any of the others noticed. Realistically, he was probably going to follow her around until she acknowledged him, like always, so, she made up her mind. She opened the door to the Master.

“Didn't think you'd be so kind.”

The two TARDISes were floating impossibly close to each-other – It wasn't much of a stretch for the Master to invite himself in.

“I knew i'd find you here. Always so... sentimental” He snarled the last word out, face inches away from hers, before walking closer to the centre; the Doctor was leant back on the wall, not saying a single word – very rarely was she silent.

“I will admit, you didn't make it easy.” The Master looked down. The Doctor had no way of discerning how long he'd been there, in the Realm. Probably not long enough.

“Hows the shoulder?” She asked, with a slight smirk. No doubt it would be fine by now, but it was a way for her to fight back against him. The Master slightly chuckled, before darting back toward her, holding her by the collar.

“You know, Doctor. You always think you've won. But I will always find you. And ill always find a new way to hurt those pets you keep.” He spat on her slightly, and she recoiled. Did he always have to be this vicious?

“It's not about winning. It never has been. And you will leave my friends alone.” The Doctor shot back. If left alone, they could probably do this all day, but honestly, the Doc just wasn't in the mood – she was doing this for the sake of convenience. The Master shoved her back, and chuckled slightly, before leaning in and whispering.

“What do you think of Gallifrey?” He paused there for a second, and she could see he was slightly shaking. This was low, for him, and she almost saw signs of struggle in him.

“What. Did. You. Do.” It was her time to get snarly. She wouldn't let herself get taunted, not when it involved home. Their home. The Master turned around, starting for the centre of the TARDIS again. He sat down, and rested both hands on his forehead, for a moment. The Doctor slowly walked toward him, not taking her eyes off him – she wasn't sure what he was going to do, but she was on edge.

“I gave them... What they deserved, Doctor!” Well, the shouting was back. She noticed, every time he would shout, he would shake – like he was struggling against himself. Out of control. Scared?

The Doctor didn't sit down with him, too wise to get comfortable too quickly. She hovered above him.

“You wouldn't understand. You never do. You just run away with your stupid little friends and you don't ever stop to think.”

“You did the same.”

“I HAD REASON.” The shaking again. He refused to look up at her.

“Koschei-”

And in a second, the Master was up again, at her throat, against one of the pillars.

“Thats. Not my name.” He glared into her eyes with such ferocity, such anger, such pain, she thought her own eyes might explode. Whatever he saw in Gallifrey, whatever he had seen in general, it was tormenting him, killing him.

“Master. Please.” He looked her up and down before letting her go.

“Just stop. Please.” The Master smirked.

“Heard that one before.”

“I mean it.”

“For what? Why stop now? After all, ive definitely got your attention, haven't I?” He put his finger under her chin, and lifted it slightly. Yes, he had her attention, but perhaps not in the way he wanted it. She wanted to talk to him – help him, if she could – but she had to get past, well, the insanity, first. It wouldn't be an easy task. This was originally about just letting him have his fun so he'd leave her alone for a while, but after what she'd seen now? No, no, it was going to be more than that. She was going to talk to him, however long it took to calm him down.

“...Talk to me.”

“Now why would I do that?

“Well, why did you come here?”

“You can't get rid of me, Doctor.”

“I don't want to.” The Master scanned her eyes before looking down for a moment. Neither of them said anything for a few seconds.

“I forgive you.” Did she really? Destroying Gallifrey could be considered unforgivable – but she'd been there before. Maybe she didn't forgive him, not yet, but she could. She always ended up that way – even after the worst atrocities. But she wanted him to hear it, now, still fresh.

“I don't need your forgiveness.” He said it low, teeth gritted, as if he was trying to convince himself, not her. So, she took it further. She stood opposite him, and lowered herself to sit down, giving the Master the power dynamic he always wants.

“Never said you did. But don't think I don't know you. After all these regenerations you still have the same eyes.” She looked up at him. His eyes were ever so slightly red, and he turned away from her.

“And what makes you think you know me so much, Doctor?”

“You're all I've got. And I'm all you've got.”

“I don't need you.”

“Oh, I think you do.” The Doctor fiddled with her sonic a little. She didn't stand up to match him, to look like she was challenging him – she stayed below him, looking upward with hope. The Master kept shaking his head ever so slightly every now and then, his eyes getting redder.

“I couldn't... I can't...” He turned his back on her, but she still heard the heavy breathing. It was only now that the Doctor stood up, and very, very slowly reached to touch the Master's shoulder - never corner a wild animal. He slightly recoiled.

“IT WASN'T MY FAULT. It wasn't. What they did. THE LIES.” His sudden tone shift made her jump, but she quickly composed herself. She returned her hand on his shoulder.

“I believe you.” Questionable. But he needed this. He turned around again. The Doctor took this moment of weakness, and shifted her hand to his cheek. Again, he recoiled, a little harder this time, but she didn't move. After a few painful seconds, he leant into it, and closed his eyes. The Doctor sighed as quietly as she could, and waited for him to say something. Right now, she was saying everything.

“You're the only one.” He looked at her.

“You're the only one who will ever understand, Doctor.” She smiled at him. It was a tragic smile, a smile of acknowledgement – this pain was only felt by the two of them, across the whole universe, just them. Grieving together.

“It's what I'm here for. You.. I... Im here. For you.” She stroked his face ever so slightly with her thumb. The Master's eyes were darting around – he was panicking, maybe. Very rarely were they this close to each-other without some sort of threat in the air. Very rarely was he this close to anyone, ever. After much hesitation, the Master reached for the hand on his cheek, and held it there with his own.

_Help me._

The message was telekinetic – not something the Master would ever, ever say out loud, especially not to her. He looked down, and she stood stunned for some time. When he looked up again,she cupped the other side of his face and held his forehead to her own in rather quick succession.

_I'm here._

They stood like that for some time, before the Doctor pulled back. The Master parted his lips to say something, but couldn't find the voice. So, the Doctor moved in. Slightly on her tip-toes, she leaned in closer, and pressed her lips onto his. It wasn't heated, or ravenous, or painful, it was just them. Together, in the moment. They shared their pain, their desperation for hope, for reconciliation, for someone else. And at that moment, they had each-other, and that was more than enough. The kiss was soft, the Master lightly placed his hands on her sides, and held them there when the Doctor pulled back. The Doctor cleared her throat awkwardly.

“oh.” Was all the Master said, before chuckling softly.

“That's your name. Don't wear it out.”


	4. Keep Holding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe the Doctor CAN break him down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slight cw for suicide mention but only very slight

The Master only laughed slightly at her remark before pushing her away from him. Yes, he had that moment of weakness with her and undoubtedly had their relationship now permanently changed, but it wasn't something he would accept without resistance. Destroying Gallifrey had destroyed him in the process – when he saw the planet stooped in fire, he thought of the time war, and the kind of man the Doctor had become, after seeing the same landscape. The Doctor who begged him to stay, the Doctor who cried when he died, the Doctor who called him beautiful when the whole universe looked upon him in terror. When he got back into his own TARDIS after Gallifrey, he slid down in the doorway and fell apart. The last time the Master cried, he was just a teenager – fresh to the torture of the Drumming. He put his hand to his throat, and remembered the time he tried to end it all, the never-ending torture. This time, however, it wasn't the Drumming killing him from the inside – he felt how the Doctor must have felt, all those years before, killing Time Lords and Daleks alike and sealing his own fate permanently as the lone wanderer, murderer of his own people. But the Master didn't have to be alone – the Doctor was out there, somewhere. He would maintain Gallifrey was deserving of their fate – he didn't dare think about what they did again lest he do something else drastic. But he couldn't just turn to the Doctor for help – that's not how he worked, and plus, that was far too boring. No, he would get her attention in the old-fashioned way; a bit more killing, a bit more genius, a bit more disguise. 

The Master may have been hesitating in his ways the moment it all burned, but he wasn't going to change quickly – Gallifrey was going to wear him down, slowly. And it did. And that brought him to the Doctor's TARDIS, hands on her waist, her lips on his, and a myriad of reasons in his head why this was a horrible idea, and how he was throwing away everything he'd done to spite her before, to hurt her, to make her see – Because all she saw now was someone confused, lost, scared, everything that the Master never wanted to be. Especially not in the her eyes.

Pushing the Doctor back gave the Master space to start toward the doors. For a second, the Doctor almost let him.

“Don't...” She said ever so quietly – she wanted to say it, but not necessarily to be heard. The Master turned to face her.

“Don't leave. Please.” She mumbled at his feet – he still heard her, though.

“Your... friends are company enough, I would imagine.” He flashed a quick smile before beginning to turn around again.

“No.” She said that much louder than previously, and the Master was taken aback. He cocked his head.

“No?”

“Well, yes, but no. Not right now. They're asleep and...” The Doctor looked around the TARDIS.

“I normally just wait till they wake up themselves, after a while.”

“Well, what do you do?”

“I just said. Wait.” The Master sighed. So many friends, but so lonely. God, this was a horrible decision to make. This wasn't him – when had he ever been in the Doctor's TARDIS and not done something horrific? If he was himself he would think of a way to steal it – play on her current weakness, pretend to play on his own, any way to get control, but he was feeling less and less like himself as the seconds ticked by. And she had just kissed him – he could still feel it. The brief connection let him see in her head for just a second, and it was a mess. He saw more, too, but he wasn't quite sure if he was ready to face that. Plus, he didn't quite have a hold of himself yet, if he stayed and she said something he didn't like, he could hurt her again. Was he ready for the risk?

“Yes.”

“Uh... what?”

“I uh... I'll...” He flashed between the TARDIS door and the Doctor, and cleared his throat.

“Stay. I'll stay.” He watched as she gleamed.

“Fancy a cuppa?” He watched as she danced around the TARDIS console.

“How very O of you.” And he watched as all of that stopped, and she looked at him. Those familiar sad eyes.

“Yeah. Guess he left an impression.” She slowed down as she fiddled, again, with nothing on the TARDIS. Pretend to be busy and they wont focus on you, right?

“Doctor...” God, he wasn't used to this 'friendly' business – already fucked it up.

“I liked O.” I know you did, Doctor, the Master said in his head. He knew how to get to her, let her trust you, and he played it perfectly. He played on his own fear, his own moments of excitement, and he could have stayed like that, had she not paid close attention to him on that plane. The last time he was in her hands like that, she was going to keep him like a pet to keep him “safe.” He wasn't going to risk that again, and when he sent her to the Realm, he knew she would find a way to live. He just had to pretend to be mad about it.

“I'm sorry.” It was all he could manage. She gave him a small head nod before fiddling again.

“Why did you not respond to me until now?” She was talking at the TARDIS, not facing him. Why didn't he respond? There were many answers. The Master always kept O's phone on him, he got everything. All the desperate texts, the angry texts, the sad texts. Truthfully, it hurt him too much to respond to. Normally, when he did his “Gotcha!” reveal, he could escape from her for a little while and plan things out. Now, however, she was always there, breaking, in the background. He almost hated himself for it.

“I'm sorry.” What else can he even say at this point? What would be the point?

“What is the real reason you came here?”

“I'm sorry.” The Master sunk down to the floor, and hid his head in his hands. What IS the point? 'If I'm not her enemy I'm her pity case' repeated in his head and, well, was it not true? Only now the Doctor looked away from the TARDIS console, and saw him on the floor. She lowered her head. Was this what they were now? She walked over and sat by him.

“Stop.”

“I'm sor-”

“STOP.” She swung herself round to kneel in front of him, and took his hands from his face and held them toward her. She sighed, and put his hands on her cheeks, and smiled slightly.

“You can make the choice, and we can change. Or, we can be stuck in the past, and follow this endless loop until one of us runs out of regenerations or we simply stop trying to live.” There was a pause, and she furrowed her brows as the Master showed her what he was thinking. She let go of his hands, which fell on his knees, and leant back.

“You are not a pity case. Well, you need to be likeable for that.” The Master rolled his eyes a little at her slight dig. She was trying to help, but this is the one type of help she wasn't great at.

“You're not my enemy either. You're my oldest friend in the whole of time and space and there isn't much I wouldn't do to make sure I still had you.” The Master faked a smile before slightly turning his head away from her.

“You said you'd stay. Don't stay like this. Be with me. Talk to me.”

“I'm scared.” The Master had never said that out loud since the Academy days, and the words now formed in the air and laughed at him.

“Ey? What for?”

“Doctor. This is easy for you, just being good with people. I-

“I'm never going to reject you, hate you, or leave you alone out there if you don't want it. I've let you stay in my TARDIS, somehow I trust you, and you've trusted me enough to show even a little weakness, and I respect that. I'm here for you, and I always have been. You just have to say the words, Koschei-”

“Why do you keep using our old names?” The Master recoiled every time she said Koschei. That was a time of hope, of innocence, of the quest of something “more.” They had seen everything “more” now, and the hope of the past had long died. The Master didn't need reminding of the fresh torture of the Drumming, and what could have been if things had gone differently.

“...Better times, I guess.”

“For you.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Look who's doing it now.” The Master looked at the Doctor, but still didn't turn to face her. She scoffed slightly.

“Guess I am. Look, it's great you're here, but I don't really wanna stay on the floor. Come on!” The Doctor shot up, and offered a hand to him, which he took to stand up. Then, he had an idea. Her little remark about never leaving him alone was quite touching, and he was cheering up, just a little. So, enough of her controlling things. Still holding her hand, he pushed her back into the TARDIS console.

“You want to explain why you kissed me? What was that, hm?”

“Not fair. You haven't answered my questions.” The Master leaned in closer.

“You're right. I haven't.” He leaned past her face and down to her neck – always a soft spot. She squeezed her eyes for a moment.

“... Since we were kids.” The Master chuckled against her throat. He knew what she was talking about.

“Confessing so soon, Doctor?” Yes, he was feeling like himself again, thanks to the Doctor's little ego boost. He already hated himself slightly for that little moment of weakness, but well, they were beginning to be different, now – maybe he could forgive himself. Didn't mean he still couldn't have his fun. It only took a few words of admiration to bring the Master back to the forefront.

“Shut up. I've seen in your head, too.”

“Hm. Maybe you have.” He traced his lips on her neck, and she shivered ever so slightly. He ran his hand up into her hair, and pulled just a bit.

“Say it.”

“Say what?”

“What you're thinking.”

“You can just-”

“Say. It.” She sighed. He was always going to be like this, wasn't he?

“I'm thinking this is all a bit tense. I'm thinking that what I felt I am definitely starting to feel a little more. And part of me is thinking you might try to kill me soon, i'm not quite sure.” The Master rolled his eyes, even if she couldn't see it.

“Still so doubtful? What about my little sob story earlier? Haven't seen that before, have you?” God, he was like two different people. The Doctor's hands finally unfroze from the bottom of the console, and she reached for the back of the Master's head – his own weak spot. He instinctively leaned back a little, slowly closing his eyes.

“What about you, hmm? You aren't running this. Tell me your side.”

“Oh I bet you'd love that”

“You've always been a good gambler.”

“Well, if you insist...” The Master took a few steps back, and took the Doctor's hand to pull her toward him, before lifting it to twirl her, and finally taking her place against the console.

“Always so theatrical with you.”

“Would you have it any other way?” She smiled at him – a genuine, playful smile.

“Well, you see, I'm thinking a lot of things, Doctor.”

“Tell me everything.

“That's a little eager.”

“I am, yeah.” The Doctor had placed her hands on the Master's chest, forming a connection between the two bodies.

“I'm thinking this regeneration looks incredible on you.” The Doctor averted her eyes for a moment and smiled in reflex.

“Stop it you.”

“I mean you've looked incredible before, but not like this.”

“I would say the same to you if I wasn't wise enough to know you'd never let me hear the end of it.”  
The Master's eyed widened – like a child receiving a Christmas present – and the Doctor rolled her eyes again; that happened a lot, around him. She leaned in to his ear.

“You look amazing, Master.” He took in a long, drawn-out breath, and almost faked a tear. Always the theatrics.

“Thank you, thank you. I do try.”

“Keep going.”

“Right, yes. I'm thinking...”

“Yes....” The Master was hesitating. She would keep pushing him.

“I'm thinking... Maybe things can change, for me.” The Doctor physically brightened up. The Master recoiled.

“Don't do that. I'll start reconsidering.”

“Sorry, yes.” The Doctor tried to make a solemn face, but made herself laugh in the process, falling into the Master's shoulder, giggling. But she didn't pull back after she stopped laughing, and he wrapped her arms around her.

“I want this.” The Master said a little too quickly and a little too loudly, and they both froze.

“Me too.” She said into his shoulder. However, reality was beginning to hit the Master. He pushed on her a little, and she leaned back off him, with a slightly puzzled look on her face.

“We can't, though, can we?” The Doctor began to disagree, but then thought about it, Yas, Graham, Ryan. They wouldn't like this at all, and she couldn't ditch them.

“I... We can see each-other in secret?

“Yeah, and a hundred other things you're already hiding from them. How long until you break with them, anyway?”

“Not long left, to be honest.” The gang kept asking more and more questions every day, and she was reaching her limit. She was probably going to spill everything and hurt them in the process, but, well, that was normal with her and her companions at some point anyway. Circle of life.

“I'm not ever, ever letting you go.” 

“I know.”

“We'll figure it out. Please just...” She leant in to him again.

“Let me have this night.” The Master wrapped his arms around her lower waist, and she leaned back slightly to face him.

“Let me have you.” It was the Master's turn to smile a real, genuine smile, and he nodded.

“Only if I can have you.” And now they were both gleaming at each-other. The Master leaned in, and returned the kiss from earlier. It was a little a difficult, they both couldn't stop smiling, but they managed it. The Doctor hooked her arms around his neck, and the Master held her tighter and tighter, as their lips moved in sync. It was a sudden succession of events that followed: The TARDIS whirred loudly, and they both jumped, causing them to lose balance, and fall to the floor, the Master on top of the Doctor. They laughed, for some time. Sometimes the Doctor forgot that the TARDIS was always watching.

“Sorry!” the Doctor managed out between gasps of air, and faked signs of struggle.

“My God, you're heavy.”

“How rude!”

“And that stubble” The Doctor reached for her top lip and pouted a little.

“I'm not shaving it.” The Master rolled over to the side.

“What do you do to me, Doctor?”

“What do you mean?”

“I am the Master. I have stolen this very TARDIS, I have made “The Master Race” - I did quite like that one – and ive followed you throughout time for hundreds and hundreds of years, and now here I am, next to you, and all the domination in the universe doesn't even compare.” The Doctor rolled to face him.

“Please don't compare me to enslaving the universe.” She scoffed, but didn't take her eyes off him.

“oh, my Doctor.”


	5. Keep Seeing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Night are pretty long, arent they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> am sorry for waiting an eternity to update i just got back to uni anyway enjoy this is longer than the others

God, this was going a little fast, wasn't it? Like when you haven't eaten in a while, and then there's suddenly all the food in the world in front of you, what do you do? Most people make the mistake of satisfying that craving as fast as possible, fighting the pain of indigestion and the need to breathe until it all hits your stomach, and then comes the regret. Both of them had that feeling, now, somewhat, but it was the Doctor that was feeling it the most. She had people to take care of – fragile, human people who just don't understand what it's like to be the last two people of your entire race. The Doctor had always liked the Master and his wicked, brilliant mind, but there was a certain emergency between them in these contexts, and it hurt the Doctor a little to see him doing fine without her most of the time. She was always looking for him, trying to see if he was okay, alive, just somewhere out there, and a lot of the time she found he was doing just fine. Well, a little murder-y, but still. Now she had him next to her, and he uttered words to her she was sure he never said out loud – words that showed he wasn't okay. He wasn't okay, they kissed, he was weak, they were laughing, they were alone, they were... happy?

“Why?” Voicing her thoughts again.

“What, why my-”

“No, why is this happening?”

Quite a bit of time had passed since the “my Doctor” line. Her heart had ashamedly fluttered a little at it, but she didn't say anything back to him, just stared at the roof of the TARDIS. The Master felt the tension after that line, now feeling like they were suspended in time as well as space, waiting for something else to be said or done. He didn't regret saying it, though. The Doctor moved to sit back again the lower part of the TARDIS centre, and the Master responded by standing up. He wasn't really sure what else to do – the floor was not comfortable, and he still wanted to be facing her.

“Don't you want it to?”

“Not what i'm saying.”

“I know.” There they were, being all tense again.

“But...” The Master braced himself.

“Since when? Since when was any of this you? You know i'm not complaining, like I said, you've seen inside my head. But I know you.”

“You don't.” The Doctor felt her heart break a little. Maybe she really didn't.

“You did. You know versions of me, different faces, different wants, different needs. But this face?” He leaned down to her, and put her hand on his face.

“This face has seen so much more. Been so much more. This is the face that hasn't stopped thinking about you since I gave Gallifrey what they deserved. I've had quite a lot of time to think, between then and now, about us. Our place in the galaxy. Other faces of me had Gallifrey to rely on, a kind of... reassurance. I wasn't scared. I didn't need you. It's easy to forget how you feel about someone when they're never there.”

“Speak for yourself.” She definitely regretted saying that. That was her problem – she had fixated on him, because for the longest time she thought she was the Destroyer of Gallifrey. He was the only thing left. The Master, well, he didn't have the same memories, and he had the Drumming to keep him occupied. For a brief moment, she was almost jealous.

“That's all I can do, Doctor.” He took her words as a compliment, though he saw the tragedy in the sentiments. He thought of all the times she tried to get him back, where she took mercy on him, pitied him, forgave him, all the things he never wanted from her because it would bring all the feelings to life again. Well, they were alive.

“Look. This, uh, this sudden shift, here. It's jarring, I know. I buried a lot of what I felt for you after I ran from Gallifrey, I didn't need any of it on top of...” He replicated the drumming against his temple, and she moved to make him stop.

“But it's gone now, right?”

“The drumming has gone, but now all I see is...” He almost let it slip. Sighing, he stood up again, and she now followed him.

“Now that follows me, and instead of going out there and killing whatever I see, I wanted to find you. I mean, some killing was inevitable, but...”

“Why won't you tell me.”

“Don't start this now, Doctor.”

“No, really, why won't you? Why do I have to go on some wild hunt just to know what you know?”

“Because you do.” The Master slightly raised his voice – this was the one topic to get him very angry very quickly. The Doctor just sighed, she knew there was no getting this out of him, so she just dropped it. Neither of them knew what to say. The Doctor was slowly wandering away from the Master, head down. This wasn't happening. Not when he'd come this far, done this much. He walked toward her, and took her hand, and she did stop, but she didn't turn around. He clasped her hand, gently pulled her closer so their bodies were touching, and rested his head on her shoulder, with his other hand underneath.

“I'm sorry, Doctor. I am. But you'll understand. I don't want us to be like this. Not right now. Please...” Instead of trailing his lips, being a tease, being who he normally is, he simply placed a soft kiss on her neck. She turned against him after that, freeing both their hands, facing him inches away.

“Will you be there?”

“Hm?”

“When I find out why Gallifrey deserved to die.” She wanted to hate him so badly right now, she did, he had no right or power to do that and there wasn't a single excuse to her that would justify putting them alone in the universe, but honestly, she had been through so much already, and right now, she could only cope with one thing at a time. When he left, she would probably hate his entire existence, but that was a problem for later.

“I'm not sure if you'll want me to be.” It was the truth, and she recognised that, too. She honestly just didn't want to think about it – she might genuinely try to kill him if she did. She leaned into him, a little exhausted, if anything. Change of topic, please.

“You've been in my TARDIS for no time at all and you've already kissed me three times.”

“The first one was all you, Doctor.”

“Don't act like you didn't push for it.”

“I'm innocent.”

“Like you could ever.” They smiled at each other, and the Master put his hands up to surrender.

“So, what do you wanna do? You know, besides flirting with each other and occasionally hating each other.”

“Thought you'd love that for longer.”

“Guilty as charged, but if you're staying I will get bored and I very much do not like staying still.” She was already bouncing slightly on her feet, and he laughed a little at her, just like when she entered his TARDIS when he was still O, and it was just his ”gaff.” She really, really never changes.

“Well, let's have a look around then.” She gleamed, and dragged him toward the main directional console, making him sit down on the facing chair. She did actually sit down sometimes, shockingly. She sat in his lap, not something he particularly expected, but not something he was going to complain about.

“How about Clom.”

“You definitely just insulted me there. That felt like an insult.” 

“Better than Raxacoricofallapatorius”

“You insult me then you put a spell on me.” The Doctor laughed very candidly, leaning back into him, legs bending up a little.

“And now you're crushing me.” She didn't stop laughing, but kind of fell off him, hands raised, stumbling a little. He watched her as she composed herself a little. God, wasn't she beautiful? He wished he had been there for her regeneration into this face, glowing with regeneration energy. There would be nothing better in the universe.

“Stop staring at me!” She had composed herself, and his mind had completely wandered. He smiled at her.

“Couldn't help myself.” She rolled her eyes, but went back to join him on the chair.

“You're just gonna have to deal with a good crushing. It's payback for earlier, anyway.” The Master rolled his eyes before leaning back into the chair a little, forcing her to lean in more into him. More like it.

“Florana.”

“Hmm?”

“I'm taking us to Florana.”  
“And why would that be?”

“It's one of the most beautiful planets i've ever seen.”

“I'm honoured you think I deserve that.”

“Well, I want a break too.” The Master chuckled a little. They always needed a break.

“Guess i'm just that tiring.”

“You can be.”

“Thank you.” She groaned a little, and he wrapped his hands around her.

“We can't go there if i'm physically incapable of getting us there.”

“Shame.” He honestly didn't want to move, not yet. The extra weight on his lap was a little uncomfortable, especially since he was slightly slouched, but he didn't mind. At least it was her, finally. She leaned back into him. Really, she didn't want to move just yet either, but she also didn't want to give away how much she was liking being on him like this, as close as they could be. Well, not quite.

“Let me at least set the co-ordinates.”

“Fine.” He was puzzled why that was specifically important to her, but didn't bother asking. Everyone flies their TARDIS differently. He released her, and she quickly set the TARDIS to Florana. The only thing left was the lever to let the TARDIS go, but she didn't pull it. She turned to face him again, and smiled slightly. He cocked his head. 

Truthfully, the Doctor was losing control of herself a little. She had stayed composed when he first stepped into the TARDIS, the best she could, she had composed herself when they kissed, when he teased her with that trail down her neck, the breath on her cheek. Always him. The last straw was that little action of pulling her in close, confined to the restraints of the chair. This was the man that she had been searching for so long, and she wasn't exactly searching for him because of this, but it was definitely a by-product. There he was, visibly worked up, not killing anyone, somewhat surrendering himself to her – the Master, reduced to this. She must have been the most powerful woman in the galaxy, right there. It made her heart jump a little. She edged closer, and the Master shuffled awkwardly, but did not take his eyes off hers. Then, she remembered something.

“1834.” The Master shook his head a little.

“Wh-”

“You made me kneel.” Oh, that''s where this was going.

“It was wonderful.”

“I bet. Made me call you Master.”

“I did choose well.”

“Something in that, or?”  
“Wouldn't you like to know.”

“Very much so.” The Master narrowed his eyes a little, before lunging toward her out of the seat, and pulling her from the waist back onto him. She gasped a little, but no complaints. He whispered into her ear.

“Very much so.” She turned into him.

“Thought as much.” Her hands had been bracing her beside his head on the back of the seat, but she moved them to his thighs.

“Oh, yeah. Gonna distract her.” She twisted, and moved one hand to the lever, and pulled it, sending the TARDIS flying. It was actually rather stable, for once. Thanks, old girl. When she moved back to face him, she was met with a crushing kiss, and immediately wandering hands, so, she wandered too. She started on the waistcoat first – so many stupid layers. The Master, in return, was busy untucking her shirt, and wandering upwards. His hands were cold, and she flinched slightly, making him laugh against her lips, essentially ending the kiss. She arched her back in reflex to his touch, and struggled to focus on his clothes.

“Having trouble?”

“Shut up.” She had one layer down, and was working on the shirt. So, he helped. It was the least he could do. Her hands were also cold, and he also flinched slightly on touch. She smirked at him, and he went back underneath her shirt. She wasn't wearing a bra – well, she never was. Too constricting. He liked that. The Doctor's hands trailed slowly down his torso, and she watched as he leaned his head away from her slightly, eyes closed. 

“Sensitive?”

“To you.” He breathed out. So, she stopped. Different approach. He looked visibly annoyed at that point, but she didn't care. She began to plant kisses down his neck, using one hand to steady him, and she guided his other hand down. God, he could feel it through her trousers. Now THAT was his Doctor, all ready for him. So w-

The TARDIS jolted, and they were both thrown from the chair, which also toppled over. The Doctor hit her head upon hitting the floor, and had to steady herself for a moment before trying to get up. The Master was fine, he was just thrown on his knees, maybe a bruise or two.

“Doctor?”

“Forgot... To park....” She was slowly rising, holding her head. Well, at least she wasn't dead.

“Thanks for nothing!” She shouted at the TARDIS, and the Master could do nothing but sigh. Well, they were moving a bit fast anyway. She fixed the problem, and slouched down.

“That's what I get for having fun in this thing.” She enunciated the last word as an insult. The Master wasn't about to get in between a row of those two, so he butted in. He kneeled down In front of her, and stroked her head softly.

“Are you okay?”

“I'll be fine. I'm sorry...”  
“Don't apologise for anything. Is there anything I can get to help the pain?” The Doctor pointed down in the direction of the corridor.

“Third on the right.” She groaned, and he nodded. He kissed her softly on the nose before standing up and starting around the TARDIS to the vast, impossible inside.

“Ey?” Oh. Fuck.

“Doc you better explain what I can see right in front of my eyes or we need to talk.” Graham. Why is Graham awake? Always Graham. The Doctor shot up, and ran around the other side of the TARDIS to face him. What Graham now saw was a dishevelled Doctor holding her head on the left, and an almost shirtless Master on the right, equally dishevelled.

“I think i'm getting too old.” Graham rubbed his hands on his face, and the Master took the quick opportunity to look at the Doctor, who was also looking at him, and winked. She was very stern, and not in a winking mood anymore.

“Graham. I can explain.”

“Doc you've got a bump on your nut, what happened? Did he hurt you? Why is he here?” Graham quickly dashed toward the Doctor but didn't take his eyes of the Master, who was now just awkwardly looking at the floor.

“I'm fine, Graham, it was the TARDIS. Why are you here? I thought you'd all gone to sleep.” The Doctor had lowered her voice.

“Well, we had, but all that bumpy TARDIS stuff woke me up. The others sent me to investigate.” He seemed a little proud about that. The Doctor sighed, and was visibly stressed. She pulled him around to the side where the Master couldn't see them, and he took that as a sign that his presence was no longer welcome. He started for the door. 

“Graham, look, I know how this looks.”

“Yeah, I bet you do. Just normal for your enemy to hang out in your space ship, don't worry, I get it all the time.”

“Listen-”

“And now he's doing a runner!” Graham pointed toward the door, and the Master froze. The Doctor squeezed her eyes.

_Contact._

**_Contact._ **

_Please don't leave._

**_What other choice do i have?_ **

_Please._

**_What about-_ **

_I need you. I'll figure this out._

“Are you nodding off, Doctor? Will someone just say something coherent and acknowledge my presence?” Graham threw his hands into the air. 

“Just thinking of a plan, Graham.” She mumbled.

“A plan? What plan? Are you gonna chuck me out of the TARDIS? Can you please explain-”

“Yes. Graham. I mean, no. I mean, just, listen, let's go talk. Your room.”

“And leave him here?! He's that guy, isn't he? The Master. He almost killed us. You've been looking for him!”

“Graham he wouldn't be in here if he wasn't safe with the TARDIS. I have him trapped at the moment and you need to just go with me here. If he tries anything I have about 12 different ways of making him regret that.” She was whispering, and the Master just chuckled across the room. Guess he was gonna get very comfortable with this TARDIS. He just nodded at them, and Graham gave his most intimidating stare. Wasn't very intimidating. But the Master just walked behind the console, and the Doctor walked with Graham back to his room. A plan, now, please Doctor.

“You wanna tell me why you two look like you've been wrestling for the last 24 hours?”

“Bit of an argument, I guess.”

“No, this isn't funny, Doc. If the other two saw him they might have lunged. You can't just bring him in the TARDIS like that. He's unstable, you know that more than any of us. He could be rigging this thing to explode, right now.”

“He won't be. Listen, Graham, I'm going to be very candid with you, so please sit down.” She had the intention of wiping his mind later, and no, it wasn't the most noble or humane or very Doctor idea she'd ever had, but what else could she do? He sat down.

“Me and him. We go back more than you could possibly imagine. Impossibly long for you lot. We were best friends. Like I said before, he's the only one I have left.”

“Can I ask you about that?”

“Not yet. Listen, Graham, its... more. I've told you all of this before and I'm just repeating myself here but-”

“Yes, you are.”

“But. I think... I Think i-”

“You love him, don't you, Doc?” She needed to just get to the point, and he was helping her. He wasn't that old, but he'd seen enough eyes, enough pain, enough loss, enough hope, to recognise love.

“He did almost kill us, though.”

“You were never going to die. He's had all this time to hone his skills, do you really think he'd have a plan so flawed?” She had a point. Still.

“Well, why almost-kill us then?”

“Ugh, he does it all the time. Get my attention. Get you lot all angsty. Its a sick game he plays.”

“How can you love that?” She collapsed next to him, and hung her head in her arms, and Graham offered a supporting arm around her.

“I'm not asking you to be his lawyer, you don't need to sit here and defend him to me. I'm not a fan of being played with like a doll just because of your couple fights, but I understand my little voice doesn't mean much against centuries of friendship. You know, I trust you, Doc. Always. But the others won't, not if they see him. After my chemo I was so happy to be alive, sometimes it just feels like all of this is a dream of a dead man.” The Doctor shot up a little to look at him.

“Graham-”

“It gives you a different perspective on life. The fragility of it. There are things a lot bigger than us, and that's just something I have to swallow. I could have easily thrown all of this away at the first hurdle, when... you know... She died. But I didn't. I stayed with you. We told you we'll be here for whatever trouble you get us into, but I'm also here for all the trouble you get yourself in. Now him, out there? He's trouble. He is maximum trouble. He is trouble incarnate. But I still trust you.”

“He's changed.”

“I don't trust you that much, Doc.” They gave each other sad smiles, and she leaned into his side a little.

“You could talk to him, if you'd like?”

“Ey?”

“The Master. He's going through this switch at the moment and its sort of freaking me out. I do...”  
She leant back. 

“I do... Love. Him. I think. I care about him a lot, and the Master I'm seeing out there, the one who hasn't messed with this TARDIS yet – I don't know where he's come from, I 'm not quite sure what he wants, if this is some kind of plan. I just, I don't know. But this change in him is something I have never seen before, and I can't lie to you, Graham. It's exciting me. You get numb to his antics after a while, but not this. Not...” She trailed her lips with her fingertips, and he looked away. More than he wanted to know. She was conveniently leaving out exactly what had happened out there, mainly for his peace of mind.

“Are you absolutely sure?” Graham watched for any facial expressions.

“I don't expect you to like him. I don't expect you to forgive him, to find any redeemable quality in him because, to be honest, there probably isn't any. I just ask that you let me deal with him in my own way, without questions. I don't like questions.”

“Yeah, we gathered that. Alright, fine. I definitely trust you too much.”

The Doctor stood up first, and gave him a faltering smile.  
“I'm sorry.”

“What now, Doc?”

She leaned toward him, pressed on his temples, and erased any memory of him ever waking up, holding him slightly as he fell back.

I'm sorry, Graham. I'm so sorry. I know you trust me, I can see that, and I can't thank you enough for that. But I can't trust you'll understand, because you won't, and I just can't deal with this extra stress. I'm sorry. You are a great man – one of the best, really. I'll figure it all out, for all of us. I always do. I'll make everything right. I don't have any other choice. I need him more than any of you will ever understand. I love him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry if u all hate me lmaooo


	6. Keep Trying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will they think of that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUGE GINORMOUS MASSIVE TW CW FOR su***de, guns, blood, SH reference/ implication. Sorry, i went a little hard with this. Again, this chapter plays heavily on those themes, please do not read this if you are sensitive to any of them. <3
> 
> ALSO sorry i didnt post for literally 40 years i just kinda lost the flow but IM BACK NOW

“ I've always been right, haven't I?”

The Doctor jolted. Couldn't ever just keep to himself. She just looked at him, her head heavy, her eyes lowered.

“Just your little pets,” He smirked at her, and after the softness she'd just felt from him, she wasn't sure if he was just taking the piss now or he was going evil on her again.

“Stop.”

“It's you erasing their memories and lying to them, Doctor.”

“You don't unders-”

“How very me.” She held her tongue, and turned away from him, hands on her head, trying to gather some thoughts, a plan, something.

“Stop.” This was softer, more pleading than her previous command, a little more desperate than she intended, but maybe it was time for more truths now. The Master just sighed, and took a few hesitant steps toward her.

“If you want to do it, you can't do it like this.”

“I KNOW” Her voice was cracking, and her eyes watering. The Master wasted no time in getting to her and pulling her in softly, as she began to sniffle a little.

“I know.” He echoed her. She buried herself in his chest, and he stared at the wall behind her. What WERE they going to do?

“I can't have both.” She muttered out after a while of calming herself down, and he flinched at it a little. The choice must be made. He let go.

“No, you cant.” She looked up at him, and he was looking away. No, no, no. 

Honestly what the fuck was she supposed to do here? Graham lay unconscious right next to them, a product of the Doctor's doing, because he saw too much – but that isn't a crime. Ryan and Yaz were somewhere deep in the TARDIS, probably (who knows), and her best friend across all the stars was stood right in front of her, filling with conflict and unresolved agony. Maybe her past self was right – a Timelord does live too long. Ryan and Yaz deserved a better, normal life. Hell, with their connections to the Doctor, they could end up doing something cool, like Martha. That would be nice. Then she wouldn't have to worry about them...  
But Graham was different. He'd lived a life a little too long, seen and felt a little too much. She dreaded to think what would happen to him if she dropped him back to a place of grief and loss; Ryan could only do so much for him, he had to live his own life too. And then there's the Master. She could take him to see stars he hadn't tried to destroy, planets he hadn't tried to conquer, races he hadn't tried to decimate. Maybe he really would change – but god, that seemed far fetched, didn't it? He'd have to prove himself somewhat, and if he failed, she wouldn't have much left. But she'd spent her whole life trying to get him there like this, and he hadn't killed anyone, or even tried to. She wanted her best friend back. She would be hesitant to admit it to herself, but humans were disposable. Humans were all the highs after the first high – never as good, never as powerful, leave you needing more. The Master was her first high, and would always be. Always. 

She turned his head to face her, and stared at him for a few long seconds. They've had so many different faces together, but that warmth that hit her chest and made her feel nauseated would always stay the same. She smiled reflexively, and he cocked an eyebrow at her. She nodded. He closed his eyes.

“Doctor-”

“I've made my decision, Master.” Using his name. Tactical.

“I don't trust your judgement.”

“Well, that makes two of us.” She giggled a little. He rolled his eyes, but remained focused.

“The rest?”

“I've put them in enough danger. At least we can regenerate, we can go on, we don't get weaker as time goes on. Maybe I should stop using them for my own selfish desires.” The Master nodded. But all was not yet said and done. 

“.... They are still here, though,”

“Yes, thank you, I know that.” She sat with the wall against her back, and tried to think of a way to, well, essentially, get rid of them. Nicely. The Master sat next to her.

“Hey Grah-” Yaz. Fuck. The Doctor bolted up, standing a little in front of the Master to guard him, but he just rolled his eyes. This was the second time now – this isnt funny, universe, he thought to himself.

“-am.” Yaz stared at the Doctor, and flashed her eyes to the figure behind her, before staring at her again.

“Yaz.”

“Doctor?”

“...Hi?”

“Doctor.”

“Right, yeah.”

“Do you wanna-”

“Explain? Honestly, no, not really, but you haven't really given me a chance here. Probably looks really, really bad, I get that, definitely, totally get that. It probably is. Hear me out?”

“You have a minute.” Yaz crossed her arms, and glared at the figure beneath the Doctor, who was just hanging his head.

“I believe you've met, uh,” She gestured vaguely to the Master.

“Yes. Well.. Yes. Yeah.”  
“For god's sake Doctor.” The Master stood up, and took a step in front of her, and Yaz stepped back a little, genuine fear in her eyes.

“You don't have to be scared.”

“Yeah, right, you tried to kill us! Multiple times!”

“Ok I got a little... carried away. I'll admit. But look, no one's dead, everything's ok.” It seems the both of them were very, very bad at defusing situations.

“Look, if I was here like that, you'd all be dead by now. And yet,” The Master gestured around the room. Yaz scoffed.

“I can't believe this. I knew something was up with you, Doctor. Didn't think it'd be this.”

“Yaz..” That kinda hurt.

“No, no, neither of you get to justify any of this. Ever. Either you get me off this thing right now or you get rid of him and make sure none of us ever, ever see him again.” The Doctor sighed.

“Actually, no, what am I even saying. This isn't some domestic, this is...”

“This is you, Doctor. Take me home. Clearly not safe with you anymore. Or was I ever? I always tried to keep my trust in you, Doctor. Some trust that turned out to be.”

The Master growled slightly, and stepped closer to her, and the Doctor lunged to keep him back.

“See?” She put her hands up. The Doctor just nodded at Yaz, and went for the TARDIS console, and Yaz stepped back to let them both through, the Master following behind. He turned away from the Doctor when they were halfway down the corridor, and strode to be inches away from Yaz' face. They stood, and glared, just like that, until the Master broke. The rage brewing inside him that she would even DARE purposefully hurt the Doctor broiled over, and it began to control him. He took her by the neck, and slammed her against the wall, hard, which was the first thing the Doctor heard.

“STOP IT YOU IDIOT-” She ran to him and pulled him off, glaring at him with something that almost looked like hatred. She threw all of her weight into pushing him away, and he stumbled, falling onto the floor. She took Yaz by the arm, and went into the main console room.

“I'm sorry, i'm an idiot, I trust too easily, i've already got your home programmed in, it's fine, you can go, this is all my fault, I don't deserve this title, I don't deserve my honour, we've landed.” The Doctor managed out in one big breath. Yaz didn't even say anything back, didn't try to calm her down, didn't ask about the others, she just ran out of the TARDIS doors, and didn't look back.  
The Doctor's adrenaline was still running, and she ran back to where the Master was. Was. He wasn't there anymore. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Where's Ryan. Ryan.

“Ryan!” The Doctor ran screaming down the corridor. 

“Ryan!” RYAN!”

“Doctor? What's going on?” Ryan stumbled out of a room.

“Ryan. Get out. Now.”

“What? What's going on?” The Doctor started to drag him by the arm.

“Just shut up and listen to me and get out.” Ryan was sobering up to the situation at hand.

“What about the others?”

“They're gone already, I was looking around for you.” Ryan just shook his head.

“What-”

“Please just listen. I'll come back for you when it's safe. I always come back, right? I just really need you to trust me right now. I promise it'll all be okay I just gotta do this myself. I will find you all again when I can, and I won't be too long.” Ryan just resigned himself to the situation. Whatever the Doctor said. She took him to the TARDIS doors.

“Yaz just left before you, no doubt she'll be waiting for you. You all can, I dont know, go for a picnic or something.” The Doctor panted, gesturing toward the door. Ryan nodded slowly.

“See you around, I guess.”

“Yeah.” Now Ryan, too, was safe. Well, out of the situation, at least. The Doctor paced. What next?

“GRAHAM!” More running into the TARDIS. She bolted to his room and, thank God, he was still there. He wouldn't awaken for some time. The Doctor frantically looked around the room, before deciding to just put him under the covers, for now. Okay, not the brightest idea, but it would have to do. Just as long as he didnt suffocate, really. You got this, Graham. She ran back to the console room, and slouched on the floor a little, panting. What just happened?

The Doctor had acted on impulse. All she saw was the Master strangling one of her best friends, and that was it. Any trust she had was gone. Now he was loose in the TARDIS, he could be doing anything. She wouldn't put her friends in danger like that. If he was going to do anything, let it only be her to go down with him.

“Master?” She said it quietly, almost as if to herself. She took in a breath, far too shakey to be useful, and tried to slow her breathing.

“MASTER?” She shouted as loud as she could, but when the silence echoed back, she curled up, and began to cry, quietly. One last try. She sniffled.

Contact.

She recoiled in pain, and stumbled onto her hand, gasping for air. She was in his head, and it was pain. God, the pain. Oh God, what was he doing...

Contact.

She gritted her teeth, and whimpered a little. His mind was crying out for help, and it was suffering.

Con-

She exclaimed in pain. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the FUCK was going on? He wasn't okay. He's dying. Hes-

She sprung up off the floor and darted into the corridor yet again – the back and forth was exhausting, at this point. 

“MASTER?!” Tears were falling down her cheek, but the wind flowing past her would dry them anyway. 

“MASTER PLEASE. PLEASE!” She was darting through an impossible set of rooms – surely, surely he can't have gone that far.

“PLEASE. I NEED YOU. I NEED YOU. I NEED-” It was all becoming a maze. So many rooms. So, so many rooms. She fell to her knees.

“No, no, I can't be alone. Not again. Please.” She folded toward the floor, and sobbed so hard she thought she might pass out.

“N-not Again. Please... Please.” And everything hurt. Her legs begged for mercy, her head pounded with dehydration and her arms were crumbling under her weight.

Contact.

The pain washed over her again, it was a little more muted now, but still very prominent. She flinched, but snapped her head up. She wished she didn't.

What greeted her was the sight of the Master, falling onto his knees, and the blood. The blood...

She caught him. He was so weak, he was becoming dead weight. She rested him softly on the floor.

“Master? Master. What have you done...”

“Hey, Doctor.” He managed a faltering smile, before wincing. While the Doctor rested him, she rubbed her thumb gently over his wrist in the process, the source of the pain. It wasn't intentional, but now she knew what he had done. He was trying to end it all.

“Regenerate. Please.”

“Now why would I do that?”

“PLEASE. Don't do this to me again, not again. Not again.”

“Don't worry, Doctor. This one isn't about winning. No, definitely not. I lost control, didn't I? It was inevitable, really. But...” He winced as he was trying to get the words out.

“I don't... want to keep... being like that anymore. And if I cant keep a hold on myself, then I have no purpose. Believe it or not, I don't want to keep killing, anymore.”

“That's beautiful, wonderful, brilliant. I'll take care of you. I'll help you, guide you, we'll be best friends again. We'll be whatever you want us to be.” She kissed his forehead, and played a little with his fringe.

“We can do all of that. There are so many things out there I want to show you.” She flashed a desperate smile at him, but he was just grimacing.

“A night on Darillium, yeah? Just us.” She kissed him on the lips, just gently.

“Just us. You're all I need.”

“I'm touched.”

“So regenerate, please.”

“No, Doctor. All your little friend did was get angry at you for lying to her, she was right, and I tried to kill her. That was nothing. If I can't control myself in those kinds of situations ill end up killing you.”

“I'm a timelord, yeah? We regenerate. I'll forgive you, it's fine, please.”

“You are magnificent, Doctor. Magnificent.”

“I love you.” The Master chuckled a little, but winced at the movement.

“If only you knew how much I loved you, Doctor.”

“Let me see, then.” She tried to touch her forehead to his, but he was going increasingly more limp. No. NO. NO. No. No. No. No. Think. Think. Think. Think. Think. Think. IDEA. She put him down gently, and ran to one of the rooms. Most of the companions didn't think the Doctor was one for souvenirs, but that really was not the case. No, she had souvenirs from some of the most important moments of her life. And one of those moments was the return of Rassilon, when the Master sacrificed his freedom to put the Timelords back. And in that moment, the Doctor had used a gun – the Doctor still had that gun. With a bullet still in it. If she could shoot herself In the right place, she could regenerate her wound and use the rest of the regeneration energy to heal him, but she just had to make sure she didn't change his face. She'd chosen a face before, she could do it again, just with the face he already had. Easy, right? Probably not.

She went back to where the Master was, and checked for a pulse. Still breathing. Good enough. She lined up the shot to her leg– could be deadly if she wasnt a timelord, and going to be very, very painful. She squeezed her eyes, and pulled the trigger. The sound of the bullet echoed through the corridor.

She screamed out in pain, and clutched the Master's shoulder to steady herself in reflex as she fell to the floor. She felt a little woozy with the pain, like she might throw up, but kept it in, and stared at her palm. Come on, regeneration energy. Please. Please hurry up.

Her hand began to glow a slight orange, and she managed a smile through the pain. Normally, a time lord will just wait for the regeneration to take over, but she did not have the time. She was going to force it, and that was also going to hurt a lot, too. She squeezed her eyes closed, and focused on it, standing up. Focus. Focus. Regenerate. Regenerate. NOW.

The force of it threw her back against the wall, and she screamed. God, this better be worth it. Please, please be worth it. God, the PAIN. She was beginning to be able to stand properly now, though – her leg was healing. A scar didn't matter, as long as she could walk properly, that was enough for her. Just direct the rest onto the Master. She fought the force of the regeneration energy keeping her pinned to the wall, and directed it into his chest. It made his body stretch and convulse, but it looked like it was working. The colour in his cheeks was returning. Now, she focused again. This was her regeneration energy, she could choose the Master's face for herself, directing it into him. Come on. Come on. Please. Please. His wrists were closing. No more pouring blood. It's working. It's working. Come on----

That was the last thing she saw before she passed out. All of the regeneration energy had gone into him, but it costed her her consciousness for a brief moment in time. All she had to do was wake up, and trust she was good enough to save his life. Just wake up, Doctor. Doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we sayin fuck canon for a still insane master and once again sorry this went so hard OOF


	7. Keep Listening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, they're both still here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a lot more soft uwu

“DOCTOR!”

The Doctor jolted awake, met immediately with the face of the Master. The same face as before. It worked. Oh my God, it worked...

“Finally! Was beginning to think this was some weird Romeo and Juliet scene and honestly, I really don't like Shakespeare that much – I know, I know, controversial, shoot me. Well, don't do that, that would make this all a bit redundant. Well, not redundant, just a bit stupid really; not that I think you're stupid, no, no, I think you're brilliant-”

The Master fell to the floor next to her. Uhhhh, what? The Doctor took a moment to assess herself before digesting the situation. Same hands. Same legs. Clothes not falling off or too tight – same body. Hair feels the same, nose feels the same, still have eyebrows – everything seemed to be in check; she'd go look for a mirror later. Now, on to the Master. It seems he was high on regeneration energy a little – that would take some time to wear off, but it was atleast manageable, for now. She'd just have to deal with a manic, mentally torn Timelord for a while, what was the worst that could happen? She sighed, and lay back again for a second.

It worked. Somehow, she had pulled this off. Would she address it when the Master adjusted to himself again? Or would she just pretend it never happened and move on, the same as they had been before? What to do, what to do. She jumped as the Master gasped for air next to her, and both sat up.

“Yes. Right. Hello! Oooh this is a little jolting on the hearts. Wow! Gonna need a few to get used to this.” 

The Doctor didn't know what to say. He hadn't settled into his normal personality yet, she didn't wanna say anything that might upset or confuse him, but then again she didn't want to do exactly what she was doing right now – staring at him, wide-eyed, like he had four heads, a slight hint of fear in her eyes.

“I don't like how you're looking at me, stop it, you're making me self-conscious. I look normal right, totally normal, normally normal?”

“Uh.. yeah, normal. Like before.” Before. Shouldn't have said that. The Master squinted his eyes, trying to get a full grasp on “Before.” They both sat like that for a while, him squinting, her looking at him in anticipation for the real Master to return. 

Atleast he was alive. He was alive, and she didn't have to be alone. He was alive, and she could travel with him, if she could keep him under control. He was alive, and she could love him. That's all that mattered. The Master's eyes flashed a little, and he gave a slight smile.

“Before. Yes.” He winked. Oh God. Was he just gonna forget the last hour or so or?

“Went a bit off the rails there, didn't I? My dearest apologies. Gets a bit” He motioned to his head.

“Well, a bit weird up there. Nevertheless, here we are. It was you, wasnt it?” He was standing up, and the Doctor followed him.

“Me?”

“That brought me back.” He stepped a little closer to her, and she lowered her head. He was going to get SUCH a kick out of this.

“Yeah. I did. Who else would?”

“Have to say I didn't expect that from you, Doctor, my dearest enemy” His true self hadn't fully settled, yet, then. Atleast not the part where he came to her begging for redemption. She wouldn't force it.

“You're not my enemy. And i'm not yours.”

“Is that so?”

“You haven't settled into the regeneration yet. Ill give you time.” She turned to walk away.

“That reminds me.” She stopped.

“How did you pull this off? I mean, as far as I can remember, you look the same as the last time as I saw you, and you say I look the same. So, how did you manage that?”

“It doesn't matter.”

“Oh it does matter.” He walked in front of her, and leaned in a little.

“It matters very much, Doctor.” She turned her head slightly, and glared at him. Fine.

“I injured myself, regenerated the wound, and then regenerated you.”

“Oh, so that's what this was for,” He pulled the pistol out of his jacket, and smirked.

“I wondered what you and a gun were doing in the same vicinity.”

“It's empty.”

“I know. Wasn't planning on anything.”

“Good.” The Master sighed.

“Crack a smile, Doctor. I'm just playing with you. I remember everything, up until dying, of course. I still very much want to stay with you, and stop killing as much as I used to. I'm still allowed a little fun though, right? Please?” The Doctor rolled her eyes.

“Sure, whatever, lets just get away from this corridor.” The Doctor went to push by him, but he stopped her.

“Doctor.” She froze, and looked at him. He smiled an actual, genuine smile, and played with her hair a little. She flashed between looking at his eyes and his lips, but went back to his eyes when he looked at her. In one swift move, he grabbed the back of her head, and pulled her in for a kiss. She shifted her position so she could lean a little into him, and held the sides of his head. Christ, she needed this. And, well, she also deserved it. A small kiss in return for saving his life – she would take what she could get. They kissed slowly, smiling a little against eachother.

“Thank you.” He pulled back and stroked her cheek, before leaning in to her ear.  
“For passing my test.” She furrowed her brows, and immediately stepped back. What?

“Oh, dont run away, Doctor. Let me explain.” The rage in her was brewing. A fucking test?

“Well when I snapped on your friend a little I imagine you wouldn't like me very much after that so I had to do _sooomething _to see how much I mattered to you, still.” She glared into his eyes so hard it almost hurt.__

__“And well, here we are, and here she isnt” He started laughing, and she wasted no time darting forward to push him, and he stumbled a little._ _

__“You don't get to do that to me. Ever.” The Master put his hands up in innocence._ _

__“Hey, hey, im sorry, but I don't make your decisions for you. What can I say?” He began to crack a smile, and she barged past him up to the center of the TARDIS. She let out a sigh of rage, and leant over on the console._ _

__“Listen, dear, I won't do it again I promise!” He was quickly following behind her, but she didn't bother to turn around._ _

__“Do that again and i'll leave you for dead. That's a promise.” The Master was taken aback a little. This wasn't the side of the Doctor he was used to. It was then that she turned to him._ _

__“Those friends mean the universe to me and i'll do anything to make sure they're safe. If that includes getting rid of you...” The Doctor shrugged. The Master nodded slightly, and gulped in the midst of the tension. Perhaps she was exaggerating their importance and understating his, but she needed to get the message through somehow._ _

__“Right. Messaged received.” The Master trailed his eyes along the floor, and began to pace slightly while he waited for the awkward silence to be over. He jumped a little when she gasped, and darted past him._ _

__“Stay here!”_ _

__“Uh... will do.” And there he was, alone with the tardis again._ _

__The Doctor had remembered Graham was still there, under the sheets. She was trying to push to the back of her mind the idea that wiping his memory was now officially useless, yet, it was all she could think about. Poor Graham, getting mixed up in all of this. When she reached his room, she was relieved to see he was still there. Carefully pulling the sheets back, she tried to shake him a little._ _

__“Graham?” No response. Ugh. She shook him harder._ _

__“Grahammmmm” He stirred a little._ _

__“OI!” She shouted at him, and his eyes shot open. He recoiled a little at the sight of the Doctor leaning over him, but gradually sat up._ _

__“Alright, Doctor?”_ _

__“Good morning, Graham!”_ _

__“How long have I been kipping for?”_ _

__“Not too long, how you feeling?”_ _

__“Uh, why?_ _

__“Just wondering! Am I not allowed to wonder?” Graham looked at her like she was the strangest thing in the universe, and she stepped back a little._ _

__“Alright then. Head hurts a little, but i'll live. If you want me to go anywhere you best wait 'cause I need my personal time. Me, myself, and I.”_ _

__“Fine by me. You know where i'll be.” The Doctor made her way back to the Master._ _

__~~_ _

__As the Doctor left the main console room, the Master collapsed onto the floor. What WAS he doing? He came to be with her and now he was strangling her friends and making her waste regeneration energy on him, just to prove a point._ _

____Do I ever fucking think? Can I think about anyone else but myself for one god damn moment? _ ____ _ __

____God, this was hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years of conflict he was trying to face in one moment, and it was all too much. Yes, he'd always, always loved the Doctor but he never once thought she loved him back, in any form. She'd cried over him before, sure, but that was just because she didn't wanna be the last of her race, right? I mean that isolation would make anyone scared. But she'd said it now. She said “i love you.” And he was fucking it up. Royally. Truthfully, he'd now do anything just to hear it over and over again, but it seemed like his own head was against him. He'd gain an inch of her trust, and get excited, and then the urges would come back to hurt and maim and torture, and it would be the only thing he could think about, and it physically hurt. He was scared to tell her any of this, though, because he didn't want that all-too familiar look radiating off her face. That he was a monster. An untamed monstrosity. Because who could love that? She'd only love him when he was tamed, house trained, but the voices,the pain, the urges in his head felt like they would never let go; he was fucking trying. Right now, he knew that he just seemed like an unstable freak that the Doctor probably regret trusting, and he had to put that right. Had to._ _ _ _

____“Why are you on the floor?” He quickly stood up._ _ _ _

____“Uh, why not?” The Doctor shrugged at him._ _ _ _

____“I was serious, earlier. You don't hurt my friends. And you don't hurt yourself trying to put it right.”_ _ _ _

____“Doctor, I know. I trust you.”_ _ _ _

____“Good, because one of them is still here.” The Master stood back._ _ _ _

____“Doctor, is that a good idea?”_ _ _ _

____“It's Graham. The one I memory-wiped, remember? Knocked him out cold for a bit. Had no choice but to make sure he was safe here.” The Master sighed._ _ _ _

____“Right. But didn't you memory wipe him for...” The Master gestured toward himself, and the Doctor gave him a defeated look._ _ _ _

____“Yes, I know. I know. I'm an idiot, we all know. He's just gonna have some not-deja vú. It's fine. No memory wipe this time around.”_ _ _ _

____“Right, yeah. Sounds good.”_ _ _ _

____“Why are you being all quiet on me?” The Doctor squared up to him slightly._ _ _ _

____“Literally minutes ago you were all about tests and sadistic point-proving, and now you're all... sunken.”_ _ _ _

____“Am I not allowed to mellow out a bit?”_ _ _ _

____“You? Not really.” The Master sighed._ _ _ _

____“Just... thinking.”_ _ _ _

____“Love a good think, me. Care to elaborate?”_ _ _ _

____“Not really.”_ _ _ _

____“Wasn't really asking.” Pushy. She's angry. Or scared. Or both._ _ _ _

____“... Sometimes I think im making the worst mistake of my life being here right now.” The Doctor scanned his eyes. Definitely some truth in there, at least._ _ _ _

____“Why?”_ _ _ _

____“Doctor I hurt your friends, and I made a mistake with that stuff afterwards. But I dont know if I can control it. These arent things I just plan out and execute flawlessly, I do them as soon as the rage and the anger and the,” He squeezed his eyes closed._ _ _ _

____“fear, take over, and they tell me to hurt myself or hurt you, in any way I can.” He lowered his head, but the Doctor caught it, and raised it to hers, waiting for him to open his eyes. When he did, she pulled him closer. He thought she was going to pull him in for a kiss, and he reacted accordingly, but she didn't. She pulled him in for a hug, and held him so, so tight._ _ _ _

____The Master couldn't remember the last time someone had held him like that, if ever. He felt her all around him, embracing him, forgiving him, loving him, wanting him, needing him, and it made him weak. Part of him felt trapped, and wanted to run away to a dark corner, safe alone with his thoughts and not having to accept any form of change, but the rest of him swarmed with adoration, and he lifted his arms to squeeze around her lower back. He laughed a little into her shoulder, and he began tearing up. She nestled deeper into his shoulder, and it made his hearts flutter a little. Who knew a hug could affect someone so deeply? The Master tried to control it, but he couldnt – a tear fell from his eye, and he instinctively sniffled. The Doctor didn't budge. Of course she was still angry at him for playing with her, but it was one hurdle at a time, at this point._ _ _ _

____“It's okay. Dont try to control yourself. I've got you.” She muffled into his shoulder, and he let out a little chuckle, before more tears began to fall. He squeezed her a little tighter, and he knew it probably was hurting her a little, but he couldn't make himself let go, even the tiniest amount._ _ _ _

______Please never let go of me, Doctor. ____ _ _ _ _


	8. Keep Him.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember Gallifrey? The Timeless Child?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have alot to say about this before it begins. Firstly, canon just is NOT a thing in this fiction, none of this is even remotely canon, in fact i took canon and slapped it in the face and stole its lunch money, so theres a heads up. Second of all, major spoilers for the whole Timeless Child plot, though you probably already know if you've gotten this far. Thirdly, this is incredibly long so strap in. Thank u all for the love up to now, yall make my day <3

The Doctor had a lot to process in that long, long hug. He strangled Yaz, killed himself (or at least tried), and then turned on his heels and said the latter was a test to see if she still cared about him, and turned on his heels again and said that he didn't mean it. It was exhausting trying to keep up with the pace and backtracking of the Master, but she would try. For him. He mentioned all those things happen only in the moment – did she have to keep a constant eye on him, then, to make sure this kind of thing didn't keep happening? It was already getting exhausting having to disregard her anger to accommodate his pain time and time again, but she would never say that to his face. He deserved chances, and she knew she was probably the singular minority in the universe to believe that. Clearly, he was trapped in a loop – hate breeds hate breeds hate, right? She would give him love. She understood he had no idea to behave, truly, in her presence and not try to kill her but, jeez, turning it on himself wasn't the answer, either. There was a lot of work to be done, but, well, she had a lot of time to do it. She just hoped he was going to be patient enough to learn from her. So, she let go of the anger of the moment. Yes, he snapped on Yaz, and that was the worst thing he could have done, but she forgave him. What Yaz said, hurt, but she was so, so right. She'd betrayed them, and whatever the Master did was just an exension of that. They put their entire lives on the line for the Doctor, and she just swanned in there, with the person that almost ended their lives. It wasn't right, and when Graham would turn up, she would get him out of danger, too. He was too caring, too kind, too understanding – he deserved more than being thrown around at the whim of two Timelords. The Doctor had wanted the Master for an eternity, and now she had him. That was her life, now. It was the Master who pulled back, and the Doctor was reluctant to let go, but she complied. 

“I'll do whatever I can for you, Doctor.” It was rather abrupt from the Master, but it burst out of him. The Doctor couldn't help the gleam on her face in response. The strength and longevity of their feelings was mutual, both of them now knew that, and now they were unstoppable.

“Dont make me hug you again.”

“Now wouldn't that be awful?” The Master laughed, and the Doctor shook her head a little. 

“Ey?” Graham. Finally decided to be social, then. What wonderful timing. The Master rolled his eyes upon seeing him, and the Doctor cringed slightly. This was the most awful deja vú.

“Hey Graham.” The Doctor chirped, as if nothing at all was wrong with the current situation.

“Doc?” Graham was frozen, his eyes on the Master. 

“Yeah?”

“Right is it just me that sees the Master stood approximately 3cm away from you or are these hallucinations I gotta get used to?” The Doctor looked back at the Master. What the fuck was the plan here? She turned back to Graham, and smiled, then darted her eyes between Graham and the TARDIS doors, trying to signal danger. When Graham just cocked an eyebrow and tilted his head in confusion, the Doctor just put on her most serious, fearful face and mouthed “now.”

“I suggest you leave, human, before I really get you involved. The other two pets were wise.” The Master put on his most aggressive voice to try to scare him, but Graham didn't budge. Fuck. Sake.

“Graham. Now. I'll come back. Let me deal with this.” She tried a different approach, and tried to plead with him, as desperately as she could. It was only then that Graham nodded, and quickly left the TARDIS. Both Timelords visibly relaxed when the door closed, and before they had time to acknowledge the situation, the Doctor spun to set the coordinates back to the Medusa Cascade, where the Master's TARDIS still was, and where the fam wasn't. 

“Still got it, eh?” The Doctor teased the Master.

“Shut up. I was just playing along.”

“I know, I know.” The Doctor raised her hands to surrender. He rolled his eyes.

Now the Doctor's mind had generally been cleared a little in relation to the presence of the Master, it began to wander a little, and settled very uneasily on one topic. Gallifrey. God, she didn't wanna bring it up, because she knew immediately it would start an argument. But now it was basically confirmed she wasn't going to be alone for quite some time, she needed to know what happened to Gallifrey, and why. Why it deserved to burn. She had been somewhat pushing it to the back of her mind, but now it quickly consumed her, and so did the anger, but again, she tried to control it. The Master saw the visible shift in the Doctor's expressions and demeanour though, and began to tense up. Whatever she had just begun to think of, it wasn't good, at all.

“Doc-”

“Gallifrey.” The Master sighed. Of course. He walked a little away from her.

“Please.” The Master snapped his head around to look at her.

“Why did you have to ruin this? You really know how to ruin a good mood.” Aand there goes the argument.

“I'm not ruining anything. I deserve-”

“Because you deserve everything, right?”

“They're my people too!”

“Hm.” The Master shook his head, and looked toward the TARDIS. How long was this gonna take before he cracked?

“If we want to move forward, as this,” The Doctor gestured between the two of them.

“I need to know. I won't be angry if I know the reason you did what you did.”

“How can I trust you on that?”

“You lunged for me when you first stepped in here, you strangled my friend in front of me, you killed yourself, at least temporarily, just to 'test' me. I'm still here. I still love you.” The Master looked down, partly in shame, partly because he was convincing her, and that's the last thing he wanted. He didn't want to go back with her, but she wouldn't know what to do when she got there. Fuck. And the Master didn't know it, but the Doctor was bluffing. Yes, she could forgive him for all of those minor things, but Gallifrey? It would have to be something horrific.

“I don't want to go back there.”

“I understand.”

“No, you don't. When you go there, you wont know anything. I need to guide you. I need to relive everything. Again.” The Doctor took a while to digest it all, and sat on the floor.

“Every time I close my eyes I see Gallifrey in flames. Every time I look at you, I see Gallifrey in flames. I cant cure that unless I understand, Master.” That stung. Quite a lot. So to her, was he just a figure of death? How could she say that, and then say she loved him at the same time?

“So you dont love me.”

“What?!” The Doctor shot up. The Master was shaking slightly.

“Well if all you see is a dead planet when you look at me, you can't love me.”

“No, no, no, Koschei-” The Master winced. 

“Master. Sorry. That's what im trying to say. I love you, despite that. Yeah, I see it, but it's not you. You are so, so much more than that, I know you are. I've seen it. You are the brightest star-” She was inching closer to him, but his body language remained closed.

“Stop pandering.”

“I'm not pandering. I'm telling you the truth.” She was exasperated at this point, but she wouldn't give up. Never give up.

“And what if you don't like what you find, hmm? What if you finally get what you want, and it destroys you? What if you finally understand, and you hate me for it?” He was up in her face, and she recoiled a little as she could feel the spit on her face. The last one hurt him the most, she felt the hesitation in the words.

“After all you've done over our lives and you really think I still have the capacity to hate you? Do you think I care for you so little? If I could hate you, I would have done a long, long time ago. If what I find is as bad as you'll say, we'll fight it together, because we're the only people that can. And if we don't have eachother to face this then, really, what is the point in any of it?” The Master flashed between her eyes before walking away from her, stood in silence. She jumped when he punched the thing closest to him. He turned to point a finger at her.

“It's all on you if you come out of this broken. None of this is me. If you dare try to-”

“I wont. I understand. You're just here to guide me. No blame passed.”

To be truthful, the Doctor was terrified, right now. Yes, the Master was capable of a lot of general monstrosities, but he was the one who brought the Timelords back. It was the Doctor who was against such a thing. If something could drive the Master to wiping out the thing he tried to bring back, what would it do to the Doctor? However, if they were going to go on like this, and she was never to find out why Gallifrey lay in ruin, it would grind away at her, and it would tear them apart. It was better to get it out of the way quickly, and they could climb the mountain together, rather than the constant uphill that exhausts them and prevents them from climbing ever again. The Doctor slowly moved toward the console, and directed them toward Gallifrey.

“Why did you waste regeneration energy on me?” The Master blurted out as soon as they landed. Didn't they go through this? The whole 'Cant-live-without-you' spiel?

“I'm pretty sure we've been through this.”

“Yeah, you love me. But couldn't you have found a different way? I mean, you wasted one of your lives on me”. The Doctor shrugged.

“I did that with a hand, to be honest. If I want something enough, it's worth it.” She smiled at him, and he smiled quickly before darting his eyes anywhere else but in her direction. Weird question, but she strugged it off – he was cryptic like that.

The Doctor made her way to the doors, but hesitated before opening them. The Master came up behind her, and kissed her lightly on the shoulder. 

“I'm here.”

Yeah, you are the one who did this, though, she thought to herself. She took a deep breath and opened the TARDIS doors, flooded with a landscape of broken orange.

Somehow, it felt like it looked worse than before. The jagged edges pierced the air around her, and the broken dome around what was the Citadel lay hopelessly scattered around the planet. How the Master possibly caused this much damage made the Doctor's chest hurt to think about, but she had to take it in her stride if she was going to go all the way with this. She didn't freeze at the sight of Gallifrey, this time, because the Master took her hand, and squeezed it. The conflict between the hatred brewing toward him causing this carnage and the relief that she had someone there to steady her against this picture of death gave her a headache, but she had to push through it. She took her first steps onto the planet, and her eyes burned with dust. It was hard to breathe.

“I can make this as fast as possible, if you want. We can go directly to the source.”

“The source?”

“Of all the information. Right there.” The Master pointed to the center of the Citadel.

“That's going to be where you find out Everything.” The Master breath hitched a little – she could tell this really wasn't pleasant for him, at all.

“Fair warning. It is going to hurt. A lot. But I'll be there if you need me.” The Doctor looked at him and nodded, before they begun their walk down to the Citadel.

The walk wasn't very pleasant at all. There were no bodies, no blood, no sign of the infinite pain seeped into the ground, but their broken childhood lay in ruins around them, and that was horrific enough for the Doctor.

“We used to meet there. The Deca” The Doctor pointed to a pile of rubble, but the Master didn't look.

“Indeed we did. Believed we could change the universe.” The Master looked at the Doctor.

“You certainly have.”

“I really haven't” The Doctor kept walking. What had she changed? The lives of a few select humans?

“If it wasnt for you, Doctor, well, think of Earth. The Time War.” The Master said behind her, and she stopped for a second, lowering her head.

“You very much have changed this universe.” She didn't say anything in response, but also didn't disagree with him. She just looked at him, and kept walking again. God, this was difficult.

When they arrived at the Citadel, the Doctor just sighed. 

“Welcome.” The Master said sarcastically, and the Doctor chuckled slightly, before walking around the room a little, trailing her hand along the walls. The Master sat on the steps, elbows on knees.

“Wouldn't take too much of a tour if I was you.” Admittedly, the Master was growing a little impatient, more so every second they stayed there. It was making his urges stronger, to hurt again, revive a planet and burn it to the ground and hear the same screams, but he was trying his best to contain it.

“Yeah.” Was all the Doctor said. You could say she was a little overwhelmed, and her mind was going distant. Too much to take in, too much to process – she was going numb, forgetting the Master was even there before he chimed in. She went to take a seat next to him, and rested her head on his shoulder.

“I should really, really hate you, right now.” She breathed out.

“You should.”

“Maybe I do, somewhere in here.” She pointed at her brain, and the Master laughed a little.

“It just won't come to the front. I certainly dont like you a lot right now, but I still... need you, I guess.” The Master nodded a little, and put his hand on her thigh. God, a lot had happened in the moments they'd been together. They'd let their primal urges take over and almost devoured eachother in the middle of the TARDIS, before it gave them a little wake-up call. It was so easy to ignore everything else – past, present, and future- when they were together, but when all of those things combined in the form of death around them, well, that was a little more difficult. The Master surprised himself that he was containing himself so well at present – His marvellous work of decimation lay perfectly around him, and he so wanted to regress into his normal antics and give some convoluted speech about his brilliance, but he had worked so hard to make the Doctor reconsider him, he couldn't just undo all of that now, no matter what his nature was. Plus, she wouldn't understand, anyway.

“It is good, though.” Fuck. That slipped out.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“No, what?” Forget it, Doctor, for God's sake.

“Just thinking out loud, you know what it's like.” The Doctor raised her head to squint her eyes at him, and he tried to look as innocent as possible. She wasn't falling for it.

“By your standards, I suppose.”

“I'm sorry.” She understood what he meant.

Yes, the Timelords were her people, and she would forever be bound by that, but, to put it simply, they also treated her like shit, and that bound her, too. They certainly didn't deserve whatever this was, but she wasn't going to immediate condemn the Master, because the Timelords weren't some innocent victims taken advantage of. The High Council, for starters, were borderline evil. What they did to the Master, just as a child, well, that could probably justify quite a lot of pain against them. But civilians? Children? That's what was hurting the Doctor right now, the most. That was the side of hate that was staying with her.

“Most of them were innocent. You could have just targeted the Council.” The Master took his hand off her thigh, and the Doctor stopped leaning on his shoulder.

“I did. At first. I really think you need to find out the truth for yourself. You'll see.” The Doctor sighed. Maybe she did.

“If...” The Master turned to face her.

“If you're ready, I need to send you into the Matrix.” The Master scanned her face for familiarity, but there was nothing.

“Center of all Timelord knowledge. Like the Dalek Hivemind. I just went for a quick look, at first, but when I really saw, when I really understood.” The Master's hands were curling into fists, shaking slightly. The Doctor reached over to hold them gently, until they uncurled.

“Well, you'll see for yourself.”

“Suppose I will.” She went to stand up.

“Now, right there...” He pointed to a light on the floor.

“Is a paralysis field. I'm going to need you to stand in it.”

“What?”

“I'm not trying to capture you, or anything like that. I need to make sure you're not going to keep waking yourself up out of the Matrix, or attack me, or anything like that.” The Master was standing up slowly, as if trying not to startle a wild predator.”

“Riiiiiiight.”

“I woke up multiple times. It was painful, jarring, and, well, painful, again. Please. I'll go in there with you. Not the field, the Matrix. I'll be there. Always.” His face looked desperate, and the Doctor conceded. As someone constantly on the move, this really, really was not going to be pleasant. She nodded, and slowly walked over, standing in the middle, and the Master activated it. The Doctor recoiled a little in pain.

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll make it as fast as possible, you won't have to be in there for any longer than you have to be.”

“Can we please... hurry this... along?” The Master really, definitely did not want to do that. He'd experienced it plenty the first time, but he wasnt about to leave her stranded in there. Not like he was.

“Alright. Get ready.” They both closed their eyes, and shifted into the Matrix.

It was infinitely dark, and when the Doctor found herself in the infinite darkness, she panicked a little. She looked everywhere she could, and she was alone. The relief came when the Master appeared next to her, though it did make her jump.

“Here we are. I need to tell you a little story, first.”

“Why is it-” 

“Please. It'll all make sense.” The Doctor gave a small nod.

“In the early, very early days of Gallifrey, there was a small, insignificant race of Gallifreyans. They were the Shobogans.” The Doctor cocked her head a little. Shobogans? What about Timelords?

“Out of that race came dangerous, unstable space travel.” Fitting.

“And also came Tecteun.”

That was when the Matrix flooded with an image, and they found themselves on a different landscape. The one that had flashed in the Doctor's mind when the Master first mentioned the Timeless Child – the lone child, and the impossibly high tower. And now, a woman. The Doctor figured that was Tecteun. The Master walked around a little, and sighed. He pointed to the sky.

“That is-”

“A boundary, yeah.” The Doctor was already a little impatient with this story, and the Master just smiled at her. 

“Tecteun came here through her unstable space travel to here.” The Master hesitated a little, scanning his eyes furiously at nothing before crouching down to the child.

“And to this child.”

“The Timeless Child.”

“Be patient, Doctor.” The Doctor rolled her eyes.

“The child was alone, so, naturally, Tecteun adopted it as her own and eventually took it back to Gallifrey, and tried to understand where she was from.” The Doctor remained silent, so the Master continued.

“Well, she couldn't. The child was a mystery. Until..."

The scenery changed again. The child, laying on jagged rocks, Tecteun leaning over her. Dead?

“The child fell, from there,” The Master pointed up to the jagged edge.

“Presumed dead. Naturally. Well...”

“Well?” Oh, hurry up Master.

“The child regenerated. Like us.” The Doctor took a step back, and looked at the Master, and noticed his eyes were red. She went to him, a hand on his shoulder. He winced slightly.

“To cut a long, and painful story short.” The scenery wasn't changing.

“Tecteun experimented on the child over and over and over, through so many regenerations, until she understood the secrets of regeneration herself.” A tear fell from the Master's eye, and the Doctor just stared into the distance. Tecteun tortured a child for her own selfish desires. Is that where we come from? If these images were time itself, the Doctor only wished she could go and comfort the child. Still, this didn't truly explain why Gallifrey deserved to burn.

“Naturally, she applied that regeneration science to herself. It worked, and the rest of the Shobogans followed her path. They built the Citadel and the rest of Gallifrey up from its former self, and made themselves the ruling elite they told us all we were.” The Doctor had to hold her head a little, the information was too much. The Master pulled her in for a small hug.

“Nearly there.” He was shaking again, and when they pulled back, the Doctor could see the tracks of so, so many more tears.

“There was the proposal that this, well, power, be transferred to generations to come, too. But limited.”

“12 regenerations.” The Doctor chimed in. Well, she finally had an answer to that.

“Indeed. So, that small, scared, lonely child became the base of a whole race, a whole legacy. These insignificant people gave themselves the very humble title of Timelords.” The Doctor couldn't say a word.

“And here you are. Built on that child.” The scenery faded back to the void-like nothingness, and the Doctor just stood, staring at the ground. Our entire race is built on the exploitation of a child? The abuse of a child? The violation? The Doctor's hands balled into fists, and when she looked back up at the Master, he was facing away from her, shivering. She went by his side. 

“What happened to the child, Master?” She tried to be as soft as possible, but when she uttered those words, the Master let out a spluttering sound, a mixture of a laugh and a cry. The Doctor felt helpless.

“Oh come on, Doctor.” He choked out, sniffling. Wait...

The Master turned to face her fully, and outstretched his arms.

“You?” The Doctor said, hardly able to make herself heard.

“Me.” The Master responded, equally as quiet, voice cracking.

“Are you sure?” The Master just stared at her, bearing into her skull, and she questioned him no more. The Doctor just turned away for a moment, and things began to make sense.

Suddenly it seemed like the most justifiable thing in the world that the Master's life force was fuelled by death and torture. After all, that was what he had suffered for countless lives. And his name. The Master. Well, he was the Master of all of them, wasnt he? There was a part of him in all of them. In her. His immortality granted him Masterhood of, well, anything lesser than him. But...

“In the TARDIS.”

“What?”

“When you died on me. Well, you didnt, did you?” The Master sighed. He was really hoping she wouldn't remember that, or bother to bring it up.

“I'm sorry.” It was cruel. Making her waste one of her limited lives – but he was thinking, always thinking, if there was a way to make her like him – but he couldn't just give himself away. He showed his trust in her, and she showed his meaning to her. Yes, he probably could have done something else other than the bloody affair, but, well, he was always one for theatrics. And if you can't die, why not go all out?

“No, no, no. That's not fair. You're immortal. I'm not. And you made me waste the limited resource I have on you.”

“Doctor, please. If you must know, ive been trying, severely trying, to find a way to make you like me. My equal. I will find a way. We will.” The tears were drying up a little, but his voice was still shaking.

“What if I don't want to be like you?” Did the Doctor really want to be immortal? After all, she had abandoned Jack for that same reason. He was Wrong. Now the Master was Wrong. And all she was, was a product of that.

“All I am is because of you.” The Doctor was essentially talking to herself, just out loud.

“I'm sorry.” I mean, really, it was quite an unfortunate fate.

“But you can understand, right? Why I killed them all. They, all of them, facilitated my agony, my suffering, my death, just so they could further themselves. My torture is their ascension. Well, surely I had the right to take that all away.” She couldn't fully argue with him – he was right, to a point.

“Doesn't excuse the innocents.”

“When they saw what I had done to their precious High Council, they called me a monster, an abomination, some horrific corrupt Thing. I tried to explain but noone listened to me, Doctor. They all came from me, and there they were, damning me. Well, I took care of that.”

“You can't blame innocent people for being scared of death.”

“I will blame ignorance.” The Master was trying to sound intimidating, but he was still broken. He was pleading his case. The Doctor scoffed, but she had little else to say. To tell the truth, all she could feel for him was pity, right now, and she really didn't want to interrogate him on some deaths when he'd just faced the worst traumas of his life all over again. The burden of immortality, of being stripped of your right to live a normal life, of the weight of a whole civilisation, no wonder he was crushed. No wonder he was insane. The Drumming, on top of it all? They took a life form, and chiselled it down to the shape they wanted, stole it, and left the discarded remains. The Doctor stood to face those discarded remains, and pulled them in as tightly as she could.

“I'm so sorry for what they did to you.” Was all she could say. It wasn't enough, nowhere near enough, but it would have to do until she could conjure the perfect words from every single language out there to give to him. The Doctor pulled back slightly, and rested her forehead against his. She was going to see what he felt, from the source.

What she saw in the Master's head agonised her. The images of them as children, moments the Doctor regarded as happy childhood memories, where the Master still felt wrong – different, paranoid, scared, but never knowing why. Moments where the Doctor would sneak them out of the Academy, so free of any burdens of life, and the deep, rippling pangs of jealousy the Master would feel, never knowing why. And the moment where the Master found out why, crumbled on the steps of the Citadel, sobbing, rocking, screaming at the sky, vowing to burn it all to the ground. When she left his mind, she gasped for breath at the sheer intensity of the agony. She scanned the Master's eyes, and he looked hopeless.

“Get us out of here. The Matrix. Now.” He lifted his arm like it was the heaviest thing in the world, and snapped his fingers.

The Doctor was still trapped in the paralysis field, and the Master was sat to the side, curled up, staring at nothing, not even blinking.

“Let me out.” She said as softly as she could, and he complied, still not moving his eyes. 

When the paralysis field let the Doctor go, she fell to her knees instantly, and rested on to her hands. In a moment's time, she stumbled over to the Master, and practically tackled him in a hug. There they were, on the floor, stuck in an embrace the Doctor refused to release. 

“Master.” He finally moved his eyes to her.

“You'll never have to feel anything like that ever again. I will be with you, I will help you, for as long as I possibly can. I will push the boundaries of my existence to care for you. Never, NEVER again will you ever have to feel anything like that, and no matter how much you trip up or do something stupid, i'll be here, yeah? Yeah?” She had pulled back a little, still on top of him, to look him in the eyes, a hand caressing his cheek.

The Master nodded at her, and she returned to holding him, rocking ever so slightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Master!Timeless Child just sits better with me tbh. Also if theres mistakes i apologise, this be long af


End file.
